Ladies and gentlemen, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes today.
As I do every morning, I woke up several hours before the sun would be up, showered, cleaned up, packed all my gear for the day and headed out into the darkness. Yeah, I get up super early to dominate the internet. Let’s not make a big deal about it. Kings rule. They don’t talk about ruling. If you don’t understand the difference, then you’re not meant to be a king.
I couldn’t have expected what happened next once I was outside. In the pitch black darkness, I found myself walking on black ice. For those of you who don’t know, black ice is the closest thing there is to hell on this planet. You can’t see it until it’s too late, and once you’re on it the trouble has already consumed you.
I could feel my feet start to go airborne. I knew the coming fractions of a second would determine if I lived or possibly died. Another hard hit to my head could end it all after how many concussions I’ve had.
Luckily, I have the DNA of athletes in my veins, and I was able to stop myself from crashing down. Most of you probably want to laugh at me for slipping on the ice. Most of you also probably would have died of a heart attack if you were in my shoes. Save your laughs. They won’t do you any good here. (RELATED: 2018 Was A Banner Year. Here’s All The Great Reasons Why)
What I will say is that I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. All the cold beers I’d drunk, all the women that shot me down, all the moments of riding the bench on successful sports teams, all the money I’ve lost over the years and in-between that, I had a few good memories.
It gave me a moment to think about a lot of things. After surviving a moment (that would have killed the average man), you really start to think about things in life.
Should I be pursuing certain women? Should I be drinking beer? Should I have gotten that cute brunette’s number from a week ago? What should I do with my life? Is building this empire really worth it?
It turns out that nearly dying in the dark cold super-early morning hours can change a man. The good news for all the loyal readers out there that the only thing I learned in that fraction of a second when I saved my own life (props to me) was that I can’t let you guys down.
I’m not changing! I could almost slip on some ice again tomorrow and I’m still not changing!
Now, I’m sure many of you are going to hop into the comments with a bunch of opinions about how this wasn’t that serious of an event.
Fine. I’ll tell you what you can do. Go somewhere super cold, pour water all over the streets, wait for it to freeze and then walk around on it when it’s dark out. We’ll see how eager you all are to minimize my heroic actions then.
Until next time, just know I survived today in order to continue building this empire. Not many men would be that selfless. Luckily for all of you, I’m not most men. I’m David Hookstead.