Dear Kay, I Find Jeffrey Dahmer Attractive. Is That Normal?

(Photo credit should read EUGENE GARCIA/AFP via Getty Images)

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Dear Kay: there’s a new Netflix series out about Jeffrey Dahmer, and I can’t help but find him and a bunch of other male serial killers seriously sexually and emotionally attractive. Is that normal, or is there something wrong with me? Am I going to end up being murdered? — Sincerely, The Gen Z Dahlia.

Dear Dahlia,

After a brief review of Twitter this morning, I’d say that you’re certainly not alone in your attraction to Dahmer — despite him being, on a technical and scientific level, fugly. However, the emotional attraction to serial killers is something we really need to explore, because you might have a serious problem.

Being attracted to terrible men, men who can hurt you and who want to hurt you either physically, emotionally, or both, is something you have to overcome or you will end up in an abusive relationship. Jeffrey Dahmer confessed to killing and eating at least bits of 17 men, according to the New York Post. If you honestly think you can overlook that type of behavior in finding a partner, then all I can hope is that you never procreate with someone who fosters that psychology.

You also need to see a shrink for your own psychology, as you may have a condition known as hybristophilia, defined as sexual arousal to partners who act out against society via crime and other antisocial behaviors, according to A&E. Or, you may be socially and emotionally stunted in the typical immature female trope of wanting a “bad boy,” so you can “fix him.

You will never change anyone’s behavior, no matter how hard you try, and being with the wrong type of man can curse you forever. Men will tell you exactly who they are in the way they speak to you when (a) you’re wrong, (b) you need them, and (c) they’re embarrassed. A real man doesn’t lash out in these situations. He takes a deep breath and ensures the conversation or situation ends with both of you laughing, and no one feeling hurt.

A small man will make the situation so much worse than it is. He’ll probably do this the first time it happens, which is exactly when you need to cut him off. Another good hack I used to use was always analyzing the way a prospective partner’s friends talked about them.

If you’re going out with a guy who’s friends call him “quick to temper,” get that free meal and get the heck out of there. The only thing worse than friend warnings are having no friends at all, kind of like Dahmer. (RELATED: Help Kay! I Met My Boyfriend’s Parents And There Was A MAGA Hat In The Living Room)

Contrary to popular opinion, the “safest” men are always the best partners for building a life-long, happy, fulfilling relationship. One of the easiest ways to not end up in your boyfriend’s freezer next to the popsicles is to date the safe guy. The safe guy might not have the social status of the monster, but he’ll give you a good, happy, healthy, life filled with love.

Then again, you might just be attracted to Dahmer because of his celebrity and the attention a relationship like that can bring. You know what happens to women who only want to date celebrities? They end up single and childless at 40, living in shitty apartments in awful cities like Los Angeles and having to buy their boyfriends online. Just ask Phil Collins’ ex-wife.