Republican Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul trolled the proposed Senate omnibus spending bill with his own version of Clement C. Moore’s classic poem “A Visit From St. Nicholas” — more commonly known as “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas.”
Paul took several jabs at the $1.66 trillion bill for the 2023 fiscal year, which allocates millions for sheltering and feeding, $45 billion for Ukraine and $2 million to renovate a Planned Parenthood clinic. The Senate unveiled the 4,155 paged legislation Tuesday night.
“The earmarks were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there. The senators were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of pork danced in their heads,” Paul recited. “No budget was found, just mischief and debt, while the taxpayers hung their poor heads and wept. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, senators sprang from their oxygen, what was the matter? Away to the window, they flew like a flash, tore open the shutter when they heard the word cash.”
Paul described Saint Nicholas arriving the the Capitol with the bill that contains “endless debt year after year.” He then delivered his own spin on the famous passage where the jolly old elf calls out his eight reindeer by name. (RELATED: McConnell Categorizes Ukraine Aid As The ‘Number One Priority Of The United States’)
“And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: Now, McConnell! Now Schumer! Now, Pelosi and Vixen! On Biden! On Stupid! On Dumber and Blitzen! To Debt. To Bankruptcy! To free money for all! Now dash away, dash away, more cash for all!”
Paul’s version of Saint Nick then landed on the roof, climbed down the chimney and delivered his gift to the senators — the omnibus bill.
“This spending season, instead of naughty and nice, Santa brought everyone something regardless of price,” the poem continued. “He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head. He said, ‘Not to worry, there’s always the Fed.'”
“He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,” Paul continued. “Undeterred by the debt, he turned with a jerk. For naughty Pentagon that lost billions last year, a fat stocking with extra cash and cheer. And don’t forget a delicious candy cane, sweet with $40 billion to tide over Ukraine.”
In other sarcastic couplets, Paul urged listeners not to fear the unbalanced budget because President Joe Biden’s Inflation Reduction Act is adding 87,000 additional agents to the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). At the conclusion of the poem, Paul’s Saint Nick went back up the chimney and flew away on his sleigh exclaiming, “If people like money, just print, it’s okay.”
His final words were, “Happy bankruptcy to all and to all a good night.”
