Dear Kay: My Son Is Dating A Literal Doll He Bought Off The Internet. Help!


Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Dear Kay: my son bought a plastic doll from the internet and has told everyone, without any shame, that he is dating her, he loves her, and intends to marry her. People are even validating this insanity on the internet! He was the perfect child until this point. What went wrong? — Sincerely, What In The Mother Of…? 

Dear Mother,

You’re right, your son does have a severe mental health issue, and I am so sorry that people are condoning his behavior instead of getting him the help he needs to recover from this illness. Were your son just having sex with a blow-up doll and keeping it private, we could argue that he’s simply acting out a fetish (or just doing what some men do — you’d be amazed what men will have sex with).

Unfortunately, your son’s openness to admitting that he’s developed a loving relationship with a doll suggests that he has some type of mental health issue that needs to be addressed immediately. I am not a psychologist or a doctor, but falling in love with an inanimate object instead of a real person is not healthy. The fact that your son thinks it’s acceptable to do so and to tell people about it is even worse. His decision speaks to both his upbringing and the social circles he chooses to keep today.

It’s easier to condone bizarre behavior like your sons when there are others like him, often with far worse mental health disorders and fetishes, running free on the world wide web. You need to take your son away from his screens, and let him interact with real people for a while.

I said recently that the world needs to bring back good old fashioned bullying. When parents are led to believe that they have the perfect child, as you thought you did, they typically end up raising a nutter or an asshole.

Other kids are then typically responsible for beating some normality into said nutter or asshole. I know that you removed your son from school when he first complained about being bullied as a child. This likely hurt him more in the long-run, and is probably part of the reason you’re where you’re at with him today — about to become the mother-in-law of a doll.

You need to accept your responsibility in this as much as he does his. Without that, your family has no hope.

Part of me thinks that his behavior is being condoned because so many people can’t be bothered to make themselves lovable anymore. Whereas some people argue that there are just “no good men/women” out there anymore, my working theory is that a lot people who never would have made it to adulthood 100 years ago are now doing so thanks to modern medicine, making it harder and longer to wade through the idiots until you find your soulmate.

On top of this, I know that you’ve always validated your son’s thoughts and opinions, which can make for a really toxic adult when it comes to relationships. If you can get him into therapy for falling in love with something that can’t love him back, you can definitely get him therapy to undo any of his personality disorders that have stopped him from having a real relationship.

Just keep reminding him that romantic love is reciprocal. You can’t love someone if they don’t love you back. You can only lust. Your son has a plastic doll lust. Worst case scenario, if you truly want him to marry a human woman, make sure he gets super duper wealthy, and then he can buy love from whatever woman he wants — even one with so much plastic surgery that she looks like a doll, and they can fall into their idiot love together. (RELATED: Dear Kay, I Find Jeffrey Dahmer Attractive. Is That Normal?)

Falling in love and building a family takes time. Finding your soulmate is not impossible, but it does take work. Oh, and it can’t be with a doll. That’s just asking the public to take part in his sexual fetish, and is legitimately wrong.