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Is AOC Packing Zynachinos? The Internet Is Ablaze With Allegations

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President Trump Delivers State Of The Union Address To Joint Session Of Congress

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Robert McGreevy Contributor
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A resurfacing photo of Democratic New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez walking to President Trump’s 2019 State of the Union Address with a bulging disc in her pocket is leading Twitter users to speculate it could be a tin of Zyn Nicotine Pouches.

“Hold up… AOC packs Zyns? This changes everything,” Twitter’s Matt Laine noted. 

This is big if true. Of course AOC‘s policy positions are abhorrent and the fact that she’s completely receded into the Democratic machine after running a campaign where she pledged to dismantle it is hypocritical at best and morally bankrupt at worst. But I can forgive all of that if I find out she throws in the occasional Zynston Churchill. (RELATED: Social Media Erupts After Chuck Schumer Calls For Zyn Crackdown)

Would I vote for her? No. Would I buy her a beer and ask if she has a spare 6mg on her? Damn straight.

WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 24: U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) speaks during a news conference at the U.S. Capitol on May 24, 2023 in Washington, DC. The Congressional Progressive Caucus (CPC) held a news conference to discuss the debt ceiling negotiations. Alex Wong/Getty Images

WASHINGTON, DC – MAY 24: U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) speaks during a news conference at the U.S. Capitol on May 24, 2023 in Washington, DC. The Congressional Progressive Caucus (CPC) held a news conference to discuss the debt ceiling negotiations. Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images

WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 06: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) visits with fellow guests during the signing ceremony for the Postal Service Reform Act into law in the State Dining Room at the White House on April 06, 2022 in Washington, DC. A part of Postmaster General Louis DeJoy’s controversial 10-year restructuring plan, the law provides $107 billion to modernize and streamline the long-beleaguered Postal Service. Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

WASHINGTON, DC – APRIL 06: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) visits with fellow guests during the signing ceremony for the Postal Service Reform Act into law in the State Dining Room at the White House on April 06, 2022 in Washington, DC. A part of Postmaster General Louis DeJoy’s controversial 10-year restructuring plan, the law provides $107 billion to modernize and streamline the long-beleaguered Postal Service. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

WASHINGTON, DC - FEBRUARY 05: U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) greets fellow lawmakers ahead of the State of the Union address in the chamber of the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2019 in Washington, DC. President Trump's second State of the Union address was postponed one week due to the partial government shutdown. Win McNamee/Getty Images

WASHINGTON, DC – FEBRUARY 05: U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) greets fellow lawmakers ahead of the State of the Union address in the chamber of the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2019 in Washington, DC. President Trump’s second State of the Union address was postponed one week due to the partial government shutdown. Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images

While some wet blankets are “WELL AKSHULLAY”-ing us with the information that it’s far more likely the bulging disc is a birth control container given House Dems’ women’s rights-themed clothing, I choose to live in a world where AOC packs fat lip pouches. I have to believe it. I can’t think that someone like AOC is so utterly unredeemable as a person that she doesn’t even toss in the occasional Oprah Zynfrey to take the edge off.

If AOC (AOZ, if you will) really does walk around the U.S. Capitol locked and loaded and ready to throw in a Thomas Jefferzyn at a moment’s notice, that instantly makes her ten times more likeable to me. Just rolling up to the State of the Unzyn with an upper bunkie. Not too shabby, AOZ.