S.E. Cupp’s Diary: Keeping it real, West Coast-style

S.E. Cupp Contributor
Font Size:

I just returned from a whirlwind trip to Los Angeles, where I was taping panel discussions for the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episodes airing on TV Guide Network. When “work” means sitting around a table with Susie Essman, Rich Eisen, Dave Foley and Jo Koy, talking about whether sex is the ultimate consolation or if Koreans really do eat dog, as Larry David asserts in the series, I’m not sure we shouldn’t redefine the concept of “a job.” I was just happy not to talk about BP for a minute—the rest was icing. And for the record, alcohol, not sex, is the ultimate consolation.

(Side note: I flew with a stop-over in Houston, where there is a Bass Pro Shop in the airport. Man, I love Texas.)

After the taping I went to Greg Gutfeld’s book party at Barney’s Beanery in Westwood, where it seemed like every “Red Eye” fan in the country showed up to say hi. The fact that one mistook me for Hannah Giles and Andy Levy for Bill Schulz did nothing to diminish our immense pride in the whole experience. (Though Andy did consider throwing his drink on the poor dude.) When someone had the considerable bad sense to ask Greg if he would sign my book, he wrote “This book sucks.” So I signed a couple of his books with “This guy is only five-foot-four.” Oh, it’s on, Greg.

(Another side note: my cab driver took the 30-minute drive from Hollywood to Westwood as an opportunity to point out where all the Jews live in Los Angeles, and lament the fact that they are “taking over the world.” Raging anti-Semitism is hilarious, but it’s a strange way to angle for a bigger tip.)

Some other amazeballs highlights from the party:

Gumba extraordinaire and Red Eye friend Robert Davi showed up, looking to crack some skulls no doubt, and tell us about his upcoming concert in Long Island, where he’ll sing Sinatra with a 30-piece orchestra. We’re obviously going—both because it sounds awesome and, well, we’re sort of afraid of him.

One Hollywood heavyweight, who wishes not to be named, also turned up, wearing a bomber jacket and looking every part the national hero. He’s so convincing that I always have to remind myself he’s an actor, and not actually a war hero, astronaut or chief of police. When he told me he was a fan, I actually curtseyed and said, “Thank you Mister President.”

Not to be outdone, Fabio showed up on a white stallion, looking all Italian and shiny, his shirt unbuttoned and hair flowing inexplicably in a windless bar. That guy cannot be mortal—I was so convinced that he isn’t actually aging that I later looked up his birthday on Wikipedia. Not surprisingly, there’s some contention: “Fabio Lanzoni, born March 15, 1959, with some sources claiming 1961, widely known simply as Fabio, is an Italian male fashion model who appeared on the cover of hundreds of romance novels throughout the 1980s and 1990s.” Either way, I’ll have what he’s having.

The inimitable Andrew Breitbart played master of ceremonies, as he’s wont to do. John Nolte and a bunch of Big Hollywood and Big Journalism guys were there as well. I love Andrew, but bringing an undercover journalist dressed as a prostitute to see if Greg would give her free housing was a little inappropriate.

The next morning I awoke in Hollywood to news of Gen. McChrystal’s scathing Rolling Stone interview, and spent the rest of the day holed up in my hotel room watching news coverage. The most surprising development, I thought, was Karzai’s statement that he has a huge gay crush on McChrystal. Okay, he didn’t exactly put it that way, but it was telling that instead of supporting the President, he’s standing by the general. I thought Obama was supposed to restore our reputation abroad? And I wrote as much here.

And yesterday came the news that McChrystal was fired. I guess nobody puts Obama in a corner. (If only there were a big dance number afterward with a dramatic lift to make us all feel better about it.) Regardless of McChrystal’s ouster, at least he can expect a muffin basket from Tony Hayward. Congrats, TH! You just got your life back!

S.E. Cupp is author of the brand-spanking-new book “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity.” She is also co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” and a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.