DC Trawler

Maybe Molly Shattuck Identifies As A 17-Year-Old, Ever Think About THAT?

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We already know about the transgendered. (Boy, do we ever!) And we’re just starting to learn about the transracial. Now there’s a new subcategory of personal identity that we all need to keep up with, so as not to be scolded by our betters: the transchronological.

Christian Datoc:

Molly Shattuck — a former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader — is facing up to 15 years in federal prison after pleading guilty to fourth-degree rape in Sussex County, DE court on Tuesday…

Her relationship with the [15-year-old] victim — one of her children’s classmates — during summer 2014, “[culminated] with sexual activity … in Bethany Beach over Labor Day weekend,” before the victim notified the authorities in September.

In 2005, Shattuck — then 38 years old — became the oldest cheerleader in NFL history when she made the Ravens squad on her first attempt.

Here’s a pic of Shattuck in happier times, presented strictly for the purposes of journalism:


Go ahead, make all the jokes you want. Sneer and leer and pretend she isn’t a human being.

Or… look into your heart. Can’t you see what happened here? This woman is obviously transchronological. She has the body of a young woman. Why shouldn’t she have the body of a young man?

Who are you to tell her how old she really is? Who are you to decide her true self for her? That’s ugly and backwards and, frankly, bigoted. You’re a transchronophobe.

How dare you?

Just kidding. She’s a crazy pervert and she deserves each and every minute she spends in prison. The good news is that she’ll have plenty of time in her day for the gym. The bad news is that she’ll have to work for it.

Tags : treacher
Jim Treacher