DC Trawler

Stupid Bear Thinks It Goes To School

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As we all know, animals are dumb and should all be wiped out. They’re vicious, savage, filthy… well, animals.

I’m not afraid of them, though, because I never go outside where they can get me. That’s right, I’m in here, you stupid dopes. Good luck turning the doorknob, LOL!

Or so I thought. But now I’ve seen something that chills me to my core. Now, nowhere is safe. Now, these stinking beasts are invading our human habitats. KBZK in Bozeman, MT:

Montana Fish, Wildlife & Parks was called to Bozeman High School this morning on a report of bear inside the school. The bear was chased outside, but bear’s status is unknown at this time. Bozeman Police chased it out of school and its whereabouts are unknown at this time, but it is not on campus.

Police say the bear was “skittish” and “scared.” To which I respond: good. He should be scared! We’re humans, and we build schools and cameraphones and websites where you can see cameraphone videos of a school with a bear in it. What has a bear ever built? A pile of bear crap? Nice try, bears, but that won’t cut it.

And bear traps, we build those too. If this keeps up, we’re going to start lining all the entrances to our buildings with hidden bear traps. We’ll see how you hotshot bears deal with that.

Stay away from humans, you animals. You’re only still on this planet because we allow it.