Opinion

O Man Bun! O Man Bun!

Scoops Delacroix Freelance Writer
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We Americans are familiar with “If You See Something, Say Something”, the Department of Homeland Security’s national campaign to keep us vigilant against threats of terrorism. An engaged and alert citizenry is critical to thwarting such dangerous behavior. So why limit this effort to national security threats? Why not also be on the lookout to avert the dire consequences of ill-advised men’s hairstyles, and similar attacks on national good taste? Alone there is only so much we can do, but working together we style sentries can make a difference. I’m talking about you, Man Bun – this ends now.

This Christmas let this be our rally cry, one and all (sung to the tune of O Christmas Tree):

O Man Bun!

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

How tragic is this hairstyle;

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

How tragic is this hairstyle;

It was your look throughout the fall,

You thought you were Steven Seagal,

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

How tragic is this hairstyle.

 

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

A blight on modern cities;

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

A blight on modern cities;

O, if I could, this I’d veto

For each man but Jared Leto,

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

A blight on modern cities.

 

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

Can you see one on John Wayne?

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

Can you see one on John Wayne?

I’ll quiet down, and chill and all

When look’s reserved for Gyllenhaal

O Man Bun, O Man Bun!

Can you see one on John Wayne?

First and foremost, we must Keep America Safe. But by singing this song on street corners from New York to L.A. – Christmas Carolers of a different kind – we can go one step further: we can Keep America Beautiful.