19 Names The Redskins Could Adopt Just To Piss Off The Woke Mob

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Cancel culture is here to stay, at least for the foreseeable future, which means that the name for Washington D.C.’s NFL franchise – the Washington Redskins – is pretty likely to go.

It was only a matter of time, of course. Thanks to years of public pressure that culminated in the woke do-gooders at FedEx, the company that sponsors the stadium, formally requesting a change on Thursday, the organization is set to “undergo a thorough review of the team’s name.”

“This process allows the team to take into account not only the proud tradition and history of the franchise but also input from our alumni, the organization, sponsors, the National Football League and the local community it is proud to represent on and off the field,” said Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder in a statement.

Well, have no fear, Dan Snyder. The creative wonders at the Daily Caller are here to help! No need to thank us or even pay us. Our services are free, just like this country.

As our own David Hookstead has written many times, if the Greatest Generation can storm the beaches of Normandy, the least we can do is come up with a few measly name options for the flagship franchise of our nation’s capital. Think of it as our patriotic duty. (RELATED: NFL Hall Of Fame Coach Tony Dungy Says He Won’t Say Redskins Name On-Air)

Now, it’s possible that some of these names might, er, trigger the woke mob as much or more than “Redskins” has, but to be fair is it really possible to find a name that does NOT trigger these folks nowadays?

So let’s lean into it, just like the boys of Normandy.

(We’ve helpfully put the word “Washington” in front of the name, just to make it easier to roll off the tongue. When the mob comes after Washington, this will have to be a whole other post.)

Washington Founders

Washington Liberty

Washington Red Elephants

Washington Minute Men

Washington Jeffersons

Washington Colonials

Washington Columbuses

Washington Conquistadors

Washington Capitalists

Washington Founding Fathers

Washington Columbians

Washington MAGAs

Washington Deplorables

Washington Winners-Off-The-Field

Washington White Fragilities

Washington Vince Fosters

Washington Carpetbaggers

Washington Monuments

Washington 45’s

Here’s to a brand-new “woke” name for the ‘Skins, here’s to football in the fall, with our without fans, and here’s to anything that will get our minds off the insane 2020 we’ve had so far.