Equinox Gym Issues Clear Message: NO NEW YEAR’S FATTIES

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Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Equinox gym banned new members from signing up on Jan. 1, 2023, leading to total tantrums from those using an arbitrary date as their reason to get their health back on track.

“We don’t speak January,” Equinox wrote after a short, quite lovely poem about mentalities toward health and fitness, shared on social media. Of course, the fun police were quick to jump on the negatives of the policy, accusing the gym of “shaming” prospective members for not having their fitness goals set ahead of the New Year.

It’s so refreshing to see a gym play exclusively to its audience and not bow down to the corporate trend of taking money from people who will show up once or twice and then go right back to their extra side of fries and pounding cans of soda as if it’s not rotting their brains, teeth, and bodies.

The campaign, the brainchild of a team at Collins Agency, is part of the gym’s largest out-of-home marketing strategy, according to The Drum.

“We believe January is a farce, laden with mantras and affirmations that are pleasant for three weeks, but never push you further,” Equinox Vice President and Executive Creative Director Will Mayer told the outlet. “Equinox is not buying in. Equinox exemplifies the belief that life is forged at the extremes, and because we are for people who constantly push themselves to those extremes, we can’t in good conscience support the ‘new year, new me’ movement that happens every January.”

Disrupting the norms of the health and fitness industry is something all gyms (and basically any company that claims to encourage health) should be doing. There are so many lies about loving one’s body, despite the fact that some body types quite literally lead to premature death and put a significant strain on the healthcare industry. (RELATED: ‘Best Video Ever Made’: Hilarious Cartoon Nails Absurdity Behind Crypto Founder’s Downfall)

If you’re not working on your health already, and you’re annoyed that you can’t suddenly go and get healthy at Equinox, just go somewhere else. Or, as one Twitter user wrote, “for everyone complaining about Equinox for not allowing new memberships in January, please just go to Planet Fitness. You are either entitled, delusional or simply don’t understand basic business practices. Maybe all [three].”

Also, whoever wrote the poem in the above Tweet, you are an artist. I absolutely love it.