Knees, Jabs and Light Beer: Travis Kelce Is The Perfect Beta Male For Taylor Swift

(Photo by Jason Hanna/Getty Images)

Scoops Delacroix Freelance Writer
Font Size:

Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce and international megastar Taylor Swift are a match made in hell.

Not only are both of them conventionally attractive, uber-talented, rich, famous superstars. Another quality they share is that neither is what they seem.

Swift grew up a country music star, marketed as a wholesome girl-next-door type singing about boy problems and coming of age. She avoided politics to the point that “Taylor Swift’s silence on this issue is deafening” became a common meme in recent years whenever an inflammatory social issue would take over the news cycle.

Eventually the BORG did get to her though. In the past several years, she’s described herself as a “pro-choice feminist,” criticized the overturning of Roe v. Wade, donated to GLAAD and Black Lives Matter and supported March for Our Lives. T-Swizzle unfortunately botched her chance to remain above the fray, a rare celeb who appeals to all corners, and conformed to shitlibbery like all the Other Girls.

Kelce is the same in male form. A native of Westlake, Ohio,  who played at Cincinnati, the professional athlete should be the alpha of all alphas. He’s from a red area. He’s 6’5″. He is notorious for his juvenile sense of humor and dominates on the football field. At 33 years old, he should be making the move from his wild youth to settling down with a nice Christian woman who will bear him 4-6 children.

Instead, he’s debasing himself for an overrated pop-star. But upon further inspection, this is what we should’ve expected from Travis Kelce. After all, six years ago, he took a knee for the national anthem in support of Black Lives Matter. More recently, he’s done paid advertisements for Bud Light (perhaps the beverage led to his preseason knee injury) and Pfizer. (RELATED: Taylor Swift Apparently Responds To Travis Kelce Dating Rumors)

KelSOY was a beta in alpha’s clothing all along. He and Taylor Lib are perfect for each other. Too bad he’ll just end up with the rest of the pile of exes, hated by the Swifties with only a song to remember him by.

Rob Gronkowski would never.