The Daily Caller once again defeated the Daily Caller News Foundation on the American gridiron this past weekend, cruising to a 7-3 victory in the game of record.
Despite having a smaller roster due to not hiring a fresh college grad every two weeks and caring far less than the DCNF about the outcome of the game, the Profiteers once again made light work to improve to a 3-0 record in the post-COVID era. Game 2 of the afternoon was deemed incomplete so that the two sides would have time to get to the bar for post-game beverages.
Editor-in-Chief Geoffrey Ingersoll led the way with seven touchdown passes, most of which came to Associate Editor Luiz-Carlos “Mexican Moss” Ramirez. The DCNF defenders were having flashbacks to the Alamo as the Texas State product from south of the border charged past their defensive lines with ease on the way to paydirt.
Michael Ginsberg secures an interception. (Alexa Schwerha)
Check Your Fact Chief Nerd Elias Atienza chipped in a pair of touchdown catches to maintain his status as the most dominant tight end in the news game. Deputy Editor Dylan Housman set the tone with three catches on the opening drive, including the games first touchdown on a fade route over the head of DCNF Editor-in-Chief Michael Bastasch.
The game-winning score came from Investigative Reporter James Lynch, who utilized his slight frame to slip between defenders and into the endzone.
“It was dominant,” Ingersoll could be heard screaming at Daniel O’Connell’s Irish pub in Old Town Alexandria several hours after the conclusion of the game.
On the defensive side of the ball, White House Correspondent Reagan “I was actually an athlete” Reese and “Iron Dome” Michael Ginsberg led the way, as Reese tallied the most tackles on the day in coverage of multiple DCNF playmakers and the Iron Dome snagged a pass meant for the river and took it to the sea instead for an interception of DCNF Deputy Editor Ailan Evans.
DCNF Reporting Fellow Jason “Hebrew Hammer” Cohen was no match for the dominant Jew on the field, as the former Congressional Correspondent Ginsberg made his one permitted alumni appearance to help the Profiteers to victory. (RELATED: The Daily Caller VAPORIZES Doughy Swamp Cretins To Win Softball Championship)
Director of Operations Avery Long even got in on the action catching a goal-line screen pass that shocked the defense, and Social Media Grand Poobah Elijah Moorman played a quality game before remembering he’s a dad now and his body can’t endure what it used to.
When reached for comment, Evans was too busy seethe-walking to explain how his team had come up short yet again despite weeks of planning while the for-profit gang simply showed up and kicked ass yet again.
Stay tuned as the teams are slated for a re-match next Spring.
