A couple weeks ago, The Daily Caller completed its alphabetical tour de force showing that racism has seeped into every nook and cranny of American life including superhero movies, the weather and the very air we breathe.
It was hard, arduous work. Now, some 19 articles later — and still feeling grimy and contaminated from multiple visits to obscure sites like Salon deep in the bowels of the Internet — it’s time to celebrate. It’s time to kick back, relax and enjoy the greatest hits of all the things someone, somewhere has deemed racist.
A is for academic freedom, which is racist according to Sandra Korn, a highfalutin Harvard University student and a columnist for the Harvard Crimson. In a February column, Korn unambiguously insisted that the Ivy League school should stop guaranteeing professors and students the right to hold controversial views and should instead only pursue research that strives for “justice” by opposing “racism, sexism, and heterosexism.” Korn’s Facebook likes include OccupyHarvard, Students Occupy Boston and Left Futures/Jacobin Reading Group. (RELATED: Harvard Writer: Free Speech Threatens Liberalism And Must Be Destroyed)
B is for the Benghazi select committee. The committee is racist, according to the creative logic of South Carolina Rep. James Clyburn, because it makes President Barack Obama look bad. It’s “the same kind of thing that led to the end of Reconstruction,” Clyburn told NewsOne Now host Roland Martin in May. “I seem to remember our history, when after Reconstruction, when people of color gained political presence throughout the South, they drummed up all kinds of things and indictments and accusations,” the Congressman born in 1940 explained. “They drove these people out of the South. And I see the same kind of efforts to discredit this president.” (RELATED: A Brief History Of Racism: The Clyburn Files)
C is for coconut bras. In May, administrators at the University of California, Irvine deemed bikini tops made of polished coconut half shells racist after the Phi Gamma Delta fraternity — known since 1894 by the moniker FIJI — hosted a charity fundraiser. The event was called the FIJI Islander party. It featured students dressed in coconut bras and grass skirts. The kerfuffle began when Save Gasaiwai, a UCI student of Fijian descent, complained that the event caused pain to “marginalized” people and reinforced “white male hegemonic structures.” (RELATED: UC Irvine Leftists Call FIJI Frat Racist For Fundraiser Featuring Coconut Bras, Grass Skirts)
D is for Duck Dynasty. A&E’s hugely popular reality TV series, which is about a loving family that makes duck calling devices. It isn’t just racist, it’s apparently an agent of white supremacy. In a discussion last December about a growing “us versus them culture” totally infesting America, MSNBC’s Michael Eric Dyson said Phil Robertson and his family are “part of a majority white supremacist culture that either consciously or unconsciously incubates hatred toward those who are different.”
E is for ending racism. Though it may sound a little counter-intuitive that the absence of racism would in itself be racist, the brilliant Justice Sonia Sotomayor told American exactly why this is so. Sotomayor made her wise judgment in a dissenting opinion after the Supreme Court ruled the feds can’t force the state of Michigan to engage in racial discrimination. Michigan had passed a proposal mandating race-neutral state policy, which effectively banned affirmative action in that state. But Sotomayor complained that Michigan’s decision to ban a racist policy was really racist, because it “changed the basic rules of the political process in that State in a manner that uniquely disadvantaged racial minorities.”
F is for food poisoning at ethnic restaurants. Such queasiness is racist because, according to some writer at Slate, people who barf after eating and then post restaurant reviews on Yelp “tend to blame restaurants that serve ‘ethnic food’ — that is, preparations particular to culinary traditions originating outside of Europe.”
G is for golf jokes about Barack Obama. Such jokes are racist because, leftist talking heads argue, Republicans make fun of the president too much for golfing all the time instead of doing his job. For example, says Michelle Malkin, after Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell ribbed Obama for “working to earn a spot on the PGA tour,” MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell read the hammy quip’s subtext as “Obama equals Tiger Woods equals RACISM.” (RELATED: Obama Has Golfed Four Times More Than Bush Did In Eight Years)
H is for hump day. At the University of St. Thomas, a Catholic school in St. Paul, Minn. with a fancy Muslim prayer room, an end-of-the-year Hump Day camel appearance was canceled because some students complained that the event would be racially offensive to cultures of the Middle East. “[T]his program is dividing people and would make for an uncomfortable and possibly unsafe environment,” said a school spokeswoman, according to Campus Reform.
I is for improving a school full of black kids. The Chicago Teachers Union has made it clear to Mayor Rahm Emanuel that it deems attempts to help black students have better schools racist. In March, the Chicago Board of Education announced a plan to turnaround three miserably low-performing schools in predominantly black neighborhoods. The improvement process meant replacing every teacher at the failing schools, which of course irked the union, so it played the race card. “This is an attack on Black schools,” the union declared in an email obtained by TheDC.
J is for joking about Obamacare. Finding humor in the healthcare disaster is racist according to Salon, the cockroach of the Internet. In October 2013, the minor site charged that Ted Cruz was practicing “GOP dog-whistle politics at its finest” when he suggested that “Nigerian email scammers” have “become a lot less active lately” because they have “all been hired to run the Obamacare website.” The bloggers at Salon contended that “it’s a short hop from Nigeria to Kenya” and, consequently, Cruz was somehow alluding to conspiracy theories about President Obama’s birth in Kenya. The distance from Kenya to Nigeria is actually about 2,000 miles — farther than the distance from Boston to Dallas. For Salon’s geographically-challenged writers, though, Africa is just a big piece of land filled with people who have black skin.
K is for kicking open a door. In February, a student at Canada’s McGill University was forced to issue a formal apology for emailing a picture of President Obama kicking open a door because some students thought the image was somehow racist. The image was actually an edited .gif, and had been shown by Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show.” It humorously suggests that the president may be fed up with press conferences. McGill student Brian Farnan sent out an email with the .gif and the harmless caption, “Honestly midterms get out of here.” Another student issued a formal complaint against Farnan for committing a “micro-aggression” — the latest phrase of choice for leftist radicals seeking to blame racism for common annoyances suffered by people of all races. Farnan was forced to denounce his heretical email. (RELATED: Student Forced To Apologize For Emailing Pic Of Obama Kicking A Door, Because RACISM)
L is for “Lord of the Rings.” The scintillating piece of Chicago Tribune journalism that broke the story acknowledges author J.R.R. Tolkien himself probably meant no racist offense. Nevertheless, the Second City newspaper has assured America, the representation of race in the films is problematic because, as usual, men with pasty white skin are the “good guys” and men with other skin colors are the “bad guys.” For example, the piece mentions Aragorn’s warning to King Theoden that Saruman is out to “destroy the world of men.” A more accurate statement, the piece says, would have been “the forces of evil have assembled an army ‘to destroy the world of civilized white men.'”
M is for master bedrooms. Several Washington, D.C.-area homebuilders have stopped using the officious term to describe the biggest bedroom in a new house. The homebuilders have replaced the phrase with various other phrases including “owner’s suite,” “owner’s bedroom” and the totally different words “mastre bedroom,” according to the Baltimore Business Journal. The newfound problem is that the word “master” suggests slave masters and males.
N is for not sending children on a field trip to a mosque. In November 2013, the headmistress at a primary school in a small town in England warned parents of children aged 8 to 11 that they would be racist if they did not send their children on a field trip to a nearby mosque. Moreover, kids who did not go would be permanently labeled as racists for the rest of their academic careers. Parents received the stark warning in the form of a letter from Lynn Small, the stern boss of Littleton Green Community School in Huntington, Staffordshire. (RELATED: English school threatens to label kids racist for YEARS unless they attend Islam field trip)
O is for opposing Common Core. New York Education Commissioner John King declared as much in a speech on the 60th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education in May. He tied the struggles of students facing desegregation back in the day to students facing schools without Common Core now. “This is about taking responsibility for educating every single child no matter what his or her race, background or economic status,” King said. “By retreating from accountability and allowing children at risk to slip through the cracks, advocates of lower standards deny us the talents of all Americans.”
P is for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. In November 2013, a public elementary school principal in Portland, Ore. deemed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches racist. Harvey Scott K-8 School principal Verenice Gutierrez said she was concerned because “Somali or Hispanic students” “might not eat sandwiches.” “Maybe they eat torta,” Gutierrez suggested. “Or pita.” Gutierrez also instituted a separate-but-unequal drum class for middle school black and Hispanic boys only. Participants had to be male and could not be white or Asian. (RELATED: Now Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches Are Racist)
Q is for questioned the genius of a black person. This one is complicated. First, Ta-Nehisi Coates bizarrely claimed that obscure MSNBC talking head Melissa Harris-Perry — who has called the NBA racist — is “America’s foremost intellectual.” Politico reporter Dylan Byers dared to question the absurd statement on Twitter. “Ta-Nehisi Coates’s claim that ‘Melissa Harris-Perry is America’s foremost public intellectual’ sort of undermines his intellectual cred, no?” Beyers had tweeted. Coates then accused Byers of empowering the “machinery of racism.” Byers has “the privilege of being oblivious to questions, of never having to grapple with the everywhere; the right of false naming,” Coates wrote in The Atlantic in January.
R is for Ronald Reagan. The Great Communicator was racist because he dared to talk about states’ rights and the Constitution in an area sort of near a town where civil rights activists were murdered in 1964. Everybody knew what Reagan was really saying in that speech, New York Times columnist Bob Herbert wrote back in 2007. “He was tapping out the code. It was understood that when politicians started chirping about ‘states’ rights to white people in places like Neshoba County they were saying that when it comes down to you and the blacks, we’re with you,” Herbert explained.
S is for sushi chef costumes for Halloween. In October 2013, home furnishing retailer Pottery Barn pulled sushi chef costumes from stores across America after an Asian-American civil-rights group howled that the trick-or-treat garb was offensive to their cultural heritage. Pottery Barn also pulled a kimono outfit. Asian Americans Advancing Justice called for the “immediate removal” of the offensive get-ups because “Pottery Barn is marketing these outfits as costumes” and “Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders are real people who cannot and should not be commodified as Halloween costumes,” according to The Seattle Times. A spokeswoman for the aggrieved Asian group was dissatisfied with Pottery Barn’s response, saying, “It would help to show they have learned a lesson.”
T is for “Thomas and Friends.” The hugely popular television show is racist, according to author Tracy van Syke in The Guardian because good engines puff white smoke and bad engines puff black smoke. Van Syke is so relieved her son doesn’t have “a manic train fascination like so many other children,” because although “Thomas and Friends” “seems to impart good moral lessons about hard work and friendship,” it is in reality “concealing some pretty twisted, anachronistic messages.” It’s racist, classist, sexist and anti-environmentalist. The smoke is just one example. “I’d like to think there was a good environmental message in there,” she writes, “but when the good engines pump out white smoke and the bad engines pump out black smoke … it’s not hard to make the leap into the race territory.”
U is for “Utah Man.” In April 2014, the student government at the University of Utah came out against the school’s fight song, “Utah Man,” because of the title and because the 110-year-old ditty called Utah “co-eds” “the fairest.” There’s a new fight song now, and it completely sucks. A committee made up of students, professors and bureaucrats has now insisted that singers insert the word “fan” instead of “man” at the very beginning. The line “coeds are the fairest” is banished forever. The completely lame new words are now “our students are the finest.” Also, the words “no other gang of college men” have been castrated to become “no rival band of college fans.” (RELATED: The New Politically Correct Fight Song At The University of Utah Sucks)
V is for voter identification laws. This one is a hardy perennial. This summer, for example, a blogger at The Washington Post breathlessly proclaimed that voter identification laws are racist because some University of Southern California professors said so. In the USC study, the professors claimed the ability to divine that “discriminatory intent underlies legislative support for voter identification laws.” The study totally proved that legislators are racist by sending some letters to various legislators with the fictitious names “Jacob Smith” and “Santiago Rodriguez.” Voter ID laws seek to prevent vote fraud by requiring voters to provide photo identification as evidence of their identity.
W is for white Jesus. In December 2013, on a CNN show called “OutFront,” a book author named Tim Wise declared that white Jesus has caused centuries of genocide and slavery. “Here’s the reality. The image of a white Jesus has been used to justify enslavement, conquest, colonialism, the genocide of indigenous peoples. There are literally millions of human beings whose lives have been snuffed out by people who conquered under the banner of a white god,” Wise said, according to Fox News. Wise is the author of “White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son,” currently ranked #75,801 in books sales on Amazon.
X is for X-Men. Thank God for “X-Men” and Ta-Nehisi Coates. Without their co-dependence, TheDC would likely be bereft of any racism to report for the lonely letter “X.” In a 2011 op-ed in The New York Times, Coates called “X-Men: First Class” racist because it is set in 1962 and it addresses racial issues but, like with so many Hollywood movies, “the most powerful adversaries of spectacular apartheid are a team of enlightened white dudes.”
Y is for “You didn’t build that.” On July 13, 2012, President Obama gave an election speech featuring the line “You didn’t build that.” Obama used the line to deride entrepreneurs and job-providing business owners. Republicans attacked the line, because it was absurd, stupid and represented a childlike egghead’s view of the real world. Naturally, then, Jonathan Chait suggested that Republican criticism of the silly line is racist. “The entire key to the rise of the Republican Party from the mid-sixties through the nineties was that white Americans came to see the Democrats as taking money from the hard-working white middle class and giving it to a lazy black underclass,” Chait explained to wealthy, white Democrats in the pages of New York magazine.
Z is for zero tolerance rules. In February 2012, Attorney General Eric Holder criticized zero tolerance rules because, he said, school administrators have used them to discipline students on the basis of race. “We’ve often seen that students of color, students from disadvantaged backgrounds, and students with special needs are disproportionately likely to be suspended or expelled,” Holder explained. “Outside the walls of the school, how many of these kids are coming from not just dysfunctional homes, but homes that are not supportive of their children?” he asked. Thus, Holder argued, bad behavior should be excused based on skin color. (RELATED: Holder Targets School Discipline Practices: ‘Unacceptable,’ ‘Destructive’)
Educate yourself. Catch up on TheDC’s entire Alphabet of Racism.
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