DC Trawler

Looks Like Kurt Eichenwald Is Okay, Everybody

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If you’re a supporter of quality journalism, you got quite a scare last week. First, the evil Fox News tyrant Tucker Carlson oppressed Newsweek reporter Kurt Eichenwald by only giving him 9 minutes to answer a Yes/No question. Later that evening, Eichenwald claims that he suffered an epileptic seizure triggered by an animated GIF sent by a Trump supporter.

That’s what I call a bad night. It’s enough to send even the hardiest of men into retreat, which is exactly what happened.

Repeat: This is not a joke.

And then, Eichenwald disappeared.

For about 20 hours.

He’s back, people! And not only do we know he’s safe from Tucker, but he also gave us a perfect stocking-stuffer for that special someone we don’t really like.

Now that we know Kurt is okay, be sure to ask him when you see him: Was Donald Trump ever institutionalized in a mental institution, or wasn’t he? Just make sure you give Kurt plenty of time to reply. As we all know, reality is not always able to give you a yes or no answer.