MLB Teams Should Be Lined Up For This Chimp Who Clean-Clocked Somebody Spot On With A Perfect Throw

This is a $40 million arm we’re talking about here.

A flame-throwing chimpanzee from southern China is going viral after video caught him slamming a water bottle right into a zoogoer’s phone, which then hammered them in the face — in fact, the contact was so hard, there was bloodshed.

Things started when a zoo visitor threw a water bottle into the chimp’s exhibit, and the chimp didn’t take kindly to that, immediately running for and then picking up the bottle. Then, in absolute glory, the chimp prepared to throw a Major League Baseball-style pitch — it had a wind up and everything — and when the chimp finally tossed the bottle, it was one of the most beautiful throws you’ll ever see, slamming some chick right in the face.

And with how it specifically went down, it was absolutely incredible. The thrown water bottle went right into the woman’s phone (which we get a great view of), which caused the phone to smash her face and cut her open. The full result for the chick ended up being both a broken phone screen and a bloody eyebrow.

The United States lost to Japan in the World Baseball Classic championship game last night, and overall our pitching wasn’t bad (it was more of an offensive letdown), but I feel like if we had this chimp on our pitching staff, we would have beat the Japanese.

Yeah, I get that this particular chimp is Chinese, but surely we could have bought it from that zoo, or maybe we could have trained one of our own to sling like that. (RELATED: Watch (And Listen) To The Japanese Go Absolutely Berserk After Getting Walk-Off Win To Send Them To WBC Championship)

Man … I shouldn’t have brought the WBC up. Now I’m upset again that we lost. Boo.