The ‘Florida Man Games’ Is The Most Epic Sports Event, Feat. Fighting Cops, Evading Arrest And Chicken Bingo


Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Shut up and grab a beer, everyone! The first-ever “Florida Man Games” are coming to St. Augustine in February, and they sound freaking incredible.

The “Florida Man Games” are described as “the most insane athletic showdown on Earth,” by organizers, who hope to lovingly mock the state’s reputation for bringing us the most bizarre news stories ever. Two former stars of the absolutely legendary television series “American Gladiators” have agreed to referee this outrageous event, and I am just so beyond excited about it all.

The games include “Weaponized Pool Noodle Mud Duel,” which is exactly how it’s described. “Category 5 Cash Grab” involved being subjected to Cat. 5 strength winds while trying to grab actual cash. The “Evading Arrest Obstacle Course” is probably my favorite concept.

The most creative challenge sounds like the “Catalytic Converter, 2 Bikes, and a Handful of Copper Pipes: A Race Against Time.” This game apparently lets you go head-to-head with your opponent as you live your lives as a Florida Man headline. There’s also an entertainment element, featuring the best mullet, a Florida Ma’am Pinup show, and “Chicken Coop Bingo.”

Attendees will also be able to watch cops fight firefighters to figure out who the toughest badge really is… so yeah, this kind of sounds like the best thing ever organized. (RELATED: Florida Man Found Living With Decomposing Body, Police Say)

“We thought, ‘How can we really play on these Florida Man headlines that we hear so much about?’ Someone gave me the idea to make it into an athletic competition,” organizer Pete Melfi told the Orlando Sentinel. “It’s going to be a wild day of mud games and Florida-style obstacle courses. It will really be an opportunity to live that Florida Man life for a day.”

In all my years writing about the collapse of civilization, I’ve definitely come across some outrageous tales from Florida. But no one ever talks about how utterly unhinged New Jersey is, and may even rival Florida for the most messed up stuff I’ve ever had to write.