The transcripts of the two-day interview between Special Counsel Robert Hur and President Joe Biden were released Tuesday. The interview was a part of Hur’s investigation into the president’s handling of classified materials, and there are some truly laughable moments in there.
We at the Daily Caller thought it would be useful to compile some of the hilarity for the public’s enjoyment, so without further ado, here are the seven funniest moments from the Biden-Hur transcripts.
1. VROOM
While explaining why classified documents may have possibly been in his garage, Biden got sidetracked talking about his prized Corvette. He described how much he loves test driving electric cars and began making car noises.
“You know, think about this. You had one of those big four by fours, the — I think it’s a Ford Bronco, whatever it is. Zero to sixty in four six.”
“That’s fast,” Hur replied.
“Yeah. By the way, you know how it works?” Biden asked, laughing, as the transcript notes.
Hur, trying to keep him on track, said “Sir, I’d love — I would love to hear much more about this, but I do have a few more questions to get through.”
“You can take 30 seconds, but you put your foot on the brake, you hit, you hit a button that’s in the — and it says ‘launch.’ You step your foot on the accelerator all the way down…”
“Woah,” Hur chimed in.
“…until it gets to about six, seven grand,” Biden continued. “Then all of a sudden, it will say ‘launch.’ All you do is take your foot off the brake,” Biden joked, before the transcript noted that he “Makes car sound.”
2. Private Parts On Fire Story
At one point during the first day of the two-day interview process, Biden unravels a long tale of a man he represented early in his legal career who lost his penis in a fire.
“This poor kid is down a hundred-foot vessel, chimney, scraping the hydrogen bubbles off of the inside. They were made to shut the plant down once every — whatever, about eight months or six months or a year, whatever it is. And he was wearing the wrong pants, wrong jeans, and he — a spark caught fire and got caught in the containment vessel and he lost part of his penis and one of his testicles and he was 23 years old,” Biden recalled.
What question, you may be asking, could have prompted this anecdote? One would have to scroll up a few pages to get to the last time someone besides Biden uttered a word before this soliloquy to find out he began this rant after Hur asked him, “Within the Naval Observatory? You mentioned a couple of work spaces earlier.”
How Biden got to a story about a guy’s penis blowing up is anybody’s guess.
3. Biden Doesn’t Know What A Fax Machine Is Called … Twice
This one is pretty self-explanatory. On two separate occasions, Biden struggled to find the word for fax machine. Both times Hur had to remind our Commander-in-Chief of the word to jog his memory.
“I have a library, and the library has a — two filing cabinets in it, and it has built into the walls — when I built that home, built into the walls, a space for a copy machine, for a — what do you call it, when they send these…”
“Fax machine,” one lawyer interrupted him.
“Fax machine,” Biden concurred.
BREAKING: Just 15 minutes after his lawyer reminded him, Biden forgot again what a “fax machine” is called during his Oct. 8 special counsel interview. On page 40 of transcript, Biden asks “What do you call it?” and then on page 95, Biden forgets again: “What do they call it?”
— Paul Sperry (@paulsperry_) March 12, 2024
Biden would forget the word again just hours later. Again, talking about his filing cabinets, Biden stumbled, “So the bottom — so when you open this up, the first — the door on the — the first door there on the left, you see where there’s a printer and there’s a — what do they call it, the machine that…”
“Fax machine,” a lawyer again had to remind him.
“A fax machine,” Biden again concurred.
4. Biden Calls Africa A Country
Speaking about what drove him to run for the presidency in the first place, Biden seemed to call the entire continent of Africa a country. (RELATED: ‘I Did Not Exonerate Him’: Robert Hur Sets Dem Rep Straight On Conclusion From Biden Report)
“We have a chance to fundamentally change and make different and more secure that part of the world. Which China’s influence is seeking to be profound. Same way in Africa. I mean, we have plenty of people in Africa, but guess what, we’re going to build the first trans-continental railroad across that country.”
5. Biden References “Cock Robin,” A Nursery Rhyme From The 1500s
This one is hilarious for multiple reasons. First of all, the title of the nursery rhyme. Enough said. But also, at a time when his age, health and mental acuity are under scrutiny, he decided to pull out this old ditty from *checks notes* the 1500s?!
Speaking about his Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB), Biden used the term as a hypothetical to describe his routine around the PDB. “I’d sit with my national security team, and say we should follow up on this, find out more about whether or not, you know, who killed Cock Robin, you know, and find out,” Biden told Hur. (RELATED: Turley Says Democrats Appeared ‘Delusional’ During Hur Hearing)
6. Jill’s Bathing Suit
This is one that shows that Biden can be funny on purpose, too.
Biden joked with Hur that he hopes, when the special counsel’s team searched his Wilmington lake house, they didn’t discover “risqué” photos of his wife Jill. (RELATED: ‘Particularly Egregious’: CNN Commentator Blasts Democrats For ‘Attacks’ On Robert Hur)
“You left everything in place. I just hope you didn’t find any risqué pictures of my wife in a bathing suit. Which you probably did. She’s beautiful.”
I’m sorry, WHAT? I’m sure he was joking. If not, that would be incredibly awkward. Imagine you’re a trained professional, a career officer of the law, tasked with finding extremely sensitive and classified documents that may have been improperly commandeered by the President. And instead, you find a photo of his wife’s boobs.
7. Biden Only Knew Staff By First Names
Hur, at one point, tried to nail down a specific definition of the titles of some of the staffers who may have handled some of Biden’s classified documents on his behalf. Biden, for whatever reason, was unable or unwilling to produce a title.
“So I wanted to ask some questions relating to duties that those — I guess I’ll call them front-office staff. Is that an accurate description of them?” Hur asks.
“I never did, but sure,” Biden replies.
“Okay. Well, what did you call them?” Hur asks again.
“By their first names,” Biden replied.
“Okay,” Hur answered.
“I’m not being facetious,” Biden assured him.
My biggest takeaway from the Robert Hur transcript is that Biden is pretty funny pic.twitter.com/lG6YMF8G1E
— Sawyer Hackett (@SawyerHackett) March 12, 2024