The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

S.E. Cupp’s Diary, the first installment

Hi there. I’m S.E., and welcome to my diary at The Daily Caller. From time to time I’ll share lurid and intimate details from my life and reveal the inner workings of my less-than-fecund mind purely for your own amusement…and to indulge in a little self-satisfying solipsism.

If you don’t know me, I’m an author, a political columnist, and a conservative television commentator. I live in New York City, I love board games, and my favorite food is macaroni and cheese. I’m also a terrible person.

You should know this about me now, because it will lessen the blow later when I gradually reveal all of my grotesque short-comings over the course of our relationship here at The Daily Caller. I figure, if I’m upfront with you at the beginning, you will come to hate me only slightly less. It’s that modicum of tolerance that I hope I can eventually turn into a shred of acceptance, and then later maybe that will become a snippet of appreciation. But that may just be wishful thinking.

So let’s pretend we’re on our first date, and we’re getting to know each other. You are sitting across the table from me at some trendy, low-lit, beautiful-people lounge that you picked and I probably hate. You’re sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon that you ordered to prove how “old-school” you are, and I’m sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon because that’s what I drink. In the first five minutes you’ve been sure to let me know you’re a banker/lawyer/politico and I’m immediately regretting my pledge never to go out with a banker/lawyer/politico, and as you talk I’m imagining myself fishing the salmon run in Alaska (you’re not there).

And then, after your one-of-a-kind story about the time you and your college buddies ran with the bulls in Pamplona, you say, “So tell me about yourself.” And here’s where I get ready to lower the boom.

First of all, I say, I dislike you very much already. Not because you’ve already told me how much money you make, but because I’m a misanthrope. That’s because most of the people I meet fall far short of the examples my mother and father set decades ago. Whereas they are compassionate, hard-working, down-to-earth, unpretentious, God-fearing common folk, you are an entitled, self-important, elitist and condescending snot weasel who wears his empty moral relativism and cheap “Daily Show” pieties like they are Olympic medals.

In addition to being a misanthrope, you should know I don’t care much for other living things either. I don’t really care that polar bears may not live to see the birth of my great-grandkids, or that I just shot a deer with my 12-gauge, since it will make for really tasty jerky, and I probably just prevented 14 future car accidents. I would fish every trout out of the Housatonic River if they let me, and grill them up with some lemon and dill. Catch-and-release is for wimps, and nature’s bounty is mine for the taking.

The so-called “environment” doesn’t really tug at my heart-strings either. I will use as much water as comes out of my faucet, kill enough trees to TP the White House, and burn enough electricity to power the Magic Kingdom, simply because you insist doing so will make me a “bad person.” I recycle because, in Manhattan, I’m required to, and if I had a car, I’d get the one that left the biggest carbon footprint, because the flatulent cows in Australia and your pampered dog Fluffy are worse for the planet than my Hummer would be. The ice caps may be melting in the Arctic, but I’ve got more pressing concerns — like my letter campaign to bring back the British “Office,” and pretty much everything else.

I must confess I’m also a bit of a warmonger.  Because unlike you I believe in good and evil and protecting my way of life sometimes requires inflicting blunt trauma. If you’re going to tell me that Islamo-fascist, communist and socialist dictatorships around the world aren’t worse than we are–they’re just “different”–I’m going to tell you that you’re a colossal idiot, and we should probably part company here. American exceptionalism isn’t a theory, it’s a fact. Sorry, France. (Your music sucks anyway.)

Lastly, and probably worst of all, I’m a conservative, which means, of course, that I don’t deserve to live. Valuing the sanctity of life, the traditional family, the 2nd Amendment, personal responsibility, low taxes and a limited government puts me at odds with the esteemed cultural taste arbiters of our great nation–like Alec Baldwin and Rosie O’Donnell. I know this, and accept this. It’s a lonely road sometimes, but as a misanthrope, it works out well.

So if all of this means we can’t be friends, I’ll be perfectly honest with you–I’m not exactly devastated. If, on the other hand, you like what you’ve heard, maybe there is a future for us here at The Daily Caller after all. Just know that I probably won’t remember your birthday or send you emails with emoticons or pithy cartoons. But I will send you copious Facebook and Twitter messages extolling the virtues of NASCAR, hunting, and Mike Huckabee’s bass-playing skills. If that sounds like friendship to you, well here’s to a long (and patently distant) one.

Hugs and Kisses,

SE

S.E. Cupp is co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” (Simon & Schuster, June 2008). Her second book, “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity” comes out in April 2010. She is a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Coinin/683322390 Peter Coinin

    So let’s pretend we’re on our first date, and we’re getting to know each other. You are sitting across the table from me at some trendy, low-lit, beautiful-people lounge that you picked and I probably hate.

    (more likley a dive bar thats got great fried food, rare steak, and a good jukebox)

    You’re sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon that you ordered to prove how “old-school” you are, and I’m sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon because that’s what I drink.

    (no thanks ill just have a beer, then joke how bourbon reminds me of my dad.)

    In the first five minutes you’ve been sure to let me know you’re a banker/lawyer/politico and I’m immediately regretting my pledge never to go out with a banker/lawyer/politico,

    (no libertarian tattoo artist, and in this day and age of the ignorant and stupid, educating people makes beeing libertarian a full time job.)

    and as you talk I’m imagining myself fishing the salmon run in Alaska (you’re not there).

    (of course im not there, im hunting because fishing is dull, and when else am i going to get a chance to kill a grizzley bear. salmon are wimps!)

    And then, after your one-of-a-kind story about the time you and your college buddies ran with the bulls in Pamplona,

    (been to Pamploma those bulls are dangerouse, and sipping wine watching stupid American college students get gored is more fun.)

    you say, “So tell me about yourself.” And here’s where I get ready to lower the boom

    (Anyone not living in a cave knows about you, id rather hear about something off topic since we probably vote the same way. Art history major? So are you a abstract expressionist snob, do you gush at the cubist revolution, claim to understand deconstructionism, or can you understand the value and skill of the low brow illustrators like norman rockwell who only spent a life time mastering the fundamentals that pollack, duchamp, and mondrian couldnt even attempt without embarrassing themselves.)
    (remember all art isms are liberal feel good dont bother learning skills do what you want isms.)

    everything else sounds good,except nascar, ill just watch a baseball game in the other room, and hummers are made in china now so just buy some old America muscle car since the are way sexier. Guns rule and France sucks.

    love ya,
    Pete

    • sapiano

      S.E. I love your writing, your sence of humor and your books. Love seeing you on FOX. Others who leave rude comments, they are most likely Democrats. Keep up the good work, S.E. sapiano

  • MyOnlineUSNews.com

    Hey S.E.- My name is Ian Eidson and I have a website called http://www.MyOnlineUSNews.com, I was hoping you could check it out when you get a chance, which based on your daily caller above being created in January, it appears your pretty busy. I saw you on FOX News and found we have similar interests and wanted to work together in some capacity… let me know your thoughts when you have a chance. Keep up the great work and have a nice day- Ian

  • DFrievalt

    There is DEFINITLEY A FUTURE for you and I because A: STRONG, SMART, INDEPENDENT women DO NOT Intimidate me and B: I am NOT a banker, lawyer or politico and NEVER will be and C: I wouldn’t order bourbon, I’d order a BEER. So Here’s to our second date, not just because your a pretty woman, but because you’ve been raised right and your head is where it needs to be.

  • keith

    Then why are you here ,idiot.

  • frankleespoken

    Hey, S.E., you suck! I don’t heart you.

  • mpk7498

    Hey S.E. Wasn’t to familiar with you till I happened to see you on Hannity the other night, so I had to look you up.. I’m sure you have been on before, but I sometimes must take a break from the politics cause my anger with Dems and Libs gets the best of me..lol Needless to say I’m glad I did look you up and read this AWESOME firt installment of yours.. All I can say is Right on!! You go girl!! I’d be more then happy to be your friend. Anyone who thinks like this is my kind of Woman!!

  • theveed

    No skin of your balls girlie, even as a Conservative Philanthropher there’s no love in me for those two piles of dung acting like humans that you mentioned =) Otherwise you had me, till the lemon and dill thing anyway… I’m a butter, salt and pepper on my Trout kinda guy =). I guess we can’t have sex, oh well

  • kentucky

    “You’re sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon that you ordered to prove how “old-school” you are, and I’m sipping from a glass of small-batch bourbon because that’s what I drink.”

    This is very amusing in its hypocrisy. You are insisting that your preference for bourbon is genuine while the straman reader’s is showy — but by advertising your preference in this way, you are using it to prove something about yourself. That you are refined but still rugged, that you are intelligent but still tough, that you are more American than thou, that you are “old-school.”

    But of course, the entire post is irrational, contrarian and arrogant. It’s silly to focus on only one line.

    • djohnson

      “But of course, the entire post is irrational, contrarian and arrogant”…much like your comment.