Introducing The Daily Caller’s Offset-Offset Program

Photo of The Daily Caller
The Daily Caller
Contributor

For years, you’ve watched helplessly as your neighbors try to erase their eco-sins with something called “carbon offsets” – the modern-day indulgences that rich liberals buy to make themselves feel better about taking NetJets to Sundance every January, or living in an 11,000-square-foot house with nine bathrooms. They may be burning more fossil fuels in a year than Malawi, but by purchasing a certificate that says someone planted ferns on their behalf in the Amazon Basin, these confirmed despoilers of the environment can claim to be “carbon-neutral.” And they do claim it, self-righteously and at every opportunity. It’s infuriating, yet there’s nothing you can do about it.

Until now.

This Earth Day, we at the The Daily Caller are proud to introduce our exclusive Carbon Offset-Offset Program. For a small fee, you can do your part to stop environmental fraud. Here’s how it works:

Each time your neighbor buys a carbon offset, you offset it.

How do offset-offsets work?
Click infographic to expand.

That’s the beauty of The Daily Caller Carbon Offset-Offset Program: There’s no fuss or hassle. We take care of the carbon emissions in a controlled environment, at no risk to you. Our trained pollution engineers neutralize the effects of your neighbors’ guilt while you remain in the comfort of your highly air-conditioned home, knowing you’ve done your part. And you can rest easy knowing that part of your purchase will go toward high-quality investigative reporting that will continue to expose fraud in the environmental movement. Act now and receive a handsome certificate suitable for framing that confirms your participation in this important project.

Learn more below and purchase your Carbon Offset-Offsets.

Purchase a Daily Caller Carbon Offset-Offset for the keepsake certificate, suitable for den or study. Better yet, buy a Daily Caller Carbon Offset-Offset for your neighbor, the one who’s forever bragging about his contributions to renewable energy. Let him know that while his dollars fund some Third World hemp cooperative, The Daily Caller will be burning tires in his name. The Daily Caller Carbon Offset-Offset, the perfect gift for any occasion.

Buy one for yourself.

Purchase your Daily Caller Offset-Offsets here!

Click image above to view sample.

Purchase your Daily Caller Offset-Offsets here! with our secure credit card form.

Or buy with PayPal.

Choose your Offset-Offset Tier
Your name and email

Digital Certificate ($5.00)

- A GENUINE EXCLUSIVE DIGITAL DAILY CALLER CARBON OFFSET-OFFSET WILL BE SENT TO THE EMAIL ADDRESS OF YOUR CHOOSING.

Paper Certificate ($25)

- A GENUINE EXCLUSIVE DIGITAL CERTIFICATE FOR YOUR DAILY CALLER CARBON OFFSET-OFFSET WILL BE SENT TO THE EMAIL ADDRESS OF YOUR CHOOSING.

- A GENUINE PARCHMENT 8.5”x11” CERTIFICATE WILL BE SENT TO THE ADDRESS OF YOUR CHOOSING. PERFECT FOR FRAMING AND/OR HECKLING. FULLY COMBUSTIBLE.

Extra-Large Framed Certificate ($50)

- A GENUINE EXCLUSIVE DIGITAL CERTIFICATE FOR YOUR DAILY CALLER CARBON OFFSET-OFFSET WILL BE SENT TO THE EMAIL ADDRESS OF YOUR CHOOSING.

- A GENUINE, EXTRA LARGE, FRAMED CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION IN THE DAILY CALLER OFFSET-OFFSET PROGRAM WILL BE SENT TO THE ADDRESS OF YOUR CHOOSING. HANG IT ABOVE THE MANTLE WHERE YOU BURN THINGS.

Buy for a “friend”

Purchase your Daily Caller Offset-Offsets here!

Choose your Offset-Offset Tier
Your name and email
Recipients name and email

DISCLAIMER: By electronically transmitting your contribution, you certify your participation in The Daily Caller’s Carbon Offset-Offset Program hereafter “The DCCOP”) and agree to the terms and conditions stated on this page. The goals of The DCCOP are to expose environmental fraud and journalistic malpractice, as well as to provide a responsible outlet for those upset with the common practice of carbon offsetting. These goals are subject to change at any time without written or verbal notice. The Daily Caller makes no guarantees, expressed or implied, as to how your contribution will be used to further these goals. On your behalf, The Daily Caller and its employees may, at their sole discretion, perform or dictate acts including, but not limited to: starting a contained tire fire, taking an acetylene torch to the polar ice cap, and using a chorus of American-manufactured sports utility vehicles to perform the final movement of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. You hereby forever release and hold harmless The Daily Caller and its employees from any liability arising from the use or misuse of your contribution as part of The DCCOP.