DC Trawler

Everyone Needs to Relax About the Borders

While Jim Treacher continues his lobster roll-tasting tour of New England, other people will be trawling. Like Frank J: “Hello. I’m Frank J. I blog at IMAO.us and sometimes write columns. I am also on the Twitters. I like to write about politics even though I don’t know more than anybody else, but that’s okay because it’s the internet.”

So I checked out the judge’s decision on the Arizona law, and in my legal analysis it’s probably right. You see, it’s thirty-six pages long; it’s really hard to write that much unless you know what you’re talking about. If I
don’t know what I’m talking about, I can write maybe three pages at most (well, four if I play with the spacing). But it’s like really hard to do thirty-six pages of pure padding.

So basically the decision is that it’s super unfair to expect the government to enforce its laws. Because then the government has to hire police officers, build prisons, carve wooden gavels for judges — it’s a lot of work and no one wants to do that. Plus enforcing laws often means having to lock people up, which sounds a lot like violating people’s rights. So who are Arizonians to try and make the federal government enforce laws? Citizens forcing the government to do things sounds a lot like fascism — or at least I know the definition of fascism uses those words (though maybe in a different order).

This whole border thing is silly to worry about anyway. Who even made borders? Cartographers. No one elected them, so why do they get to tell people who lives where? I never agreed to that (unless it was in one of those things I agreed to without reading when installing software). Cartographers are probably racists anyway, and I wouldn’t want one living in my neighborhood or dating my daughter. Really, what’s the big deal if Mexicans can just wander in here and take a few jobs and whatnot? Similarly, we can all just head into Mexico and take what we want, and I don’t see why they’d mind. Like if you need a temple, there are a bunch the Aztecs don’t seem to be using anymore. If a country is right next to you, you should be able to wander in whenever and take stuff. That’s already been my policy with Canada anyway.

By the way, contact me if you want a hockey stick. I have a bunch, and they’re super cheap.