My Twitter diary

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Dear beloved Diary readers,

As much fun as it is to share my self-indulgent diary entries with you every week, sometimes a girl misses the interaction that a diary medium precludes. It’s a one-way conversation, see, and one that I can have alone in my apartment, wrapped in a blanket, with only a glass of wine and my frightening inner monologue to keep me company.

Once in a while, it’s nice to remind oneself that there’s a great big world out there, full of interesting people with interesting lives and interesting stories to tell. I don’t want to hear any of them, of course, because most of you are probably pretty annoying and I dislike almost everyone I meet, but occasionally it’s a good exercise to venture outside my comfort zone, and bring some of you into my world. Briefly. And without any touching or awkward pauses.

So let’s get to know each other a little better. I’ve taken the first step, by answering some of the questions you posted on Twitter. It’s like a conversation, except I’m not really interested in asking you anything. We’ll call this experiment “Ask S.E. Cupp,” or “Why Does Matt Labash Get to Have All the Fun?” Enjoy, and thanks for asking.

@duhCMB Well then here is a question, do you break dance..and whats your go to karaoke song!! dont lie every1 has one…sing loud sing proud

Great question, @duhCMB. I do not break dance — because I’m 31, a chick, and am clinging to what little dignity I haven’t surrendered to the political pundit demons.  And I’ve never done karaoke, though I do fantasize about it often. I have a few songs I consider doing when the perfect moment presents itself, including Metallica’s “Enter Sandman,” Alice Cooper’s “Feed My Frankenstein” and NIN’s “Closer.”

@colbyreade Random question…How much notice do they give you when they ask you to be on those TV panels? A day? An hour? #justcurious

Thanks, @colbyreade. Sometimes I’m booked as far as a week in advance, and sometimes it’s a last minute call. And sometimes I’m booked and then canceled when something bigger comes up — like Snooki getting arrested.

@CutThroatPK next time you host on a L.A. radio show can i be your intern??? Please

I’d be honored! Unless you’re creepy or incompetent, of course. Or ugly. Sorry, friend, but that’s the way of the world.

@Bulldrake Have you ever hunted wild turkey..not drank Wild Turkey..hunted wild turkey? How  many deer have you killed?

I’ve not hunted wild turkey, @Bulldrake, but only because I like to hunt what I can eat. And I’m just not that into turkey. As for deer, I’ve killed 4,083 beautiful 22-pointers, but that’s just in my dreams. In reality, I’ve yet to bag a buck. Got two doe tags in the lottery this season though, so I’m hoping this is my year.

@ho0pes Do you have any intent to run for office?

Oh Lord no. For one, this isn’t pretty in the morning, and it seems like there is an inordinate amount of early morning campaign stops when you run for office. For another, I don’t really want to work that hard. And lastly, kissing babies? I can’t imagine wanting to touch my own kids, let alone somebody else’s. No thanks, not for me.

@bobgnewmilford How come you and Truex aren’t dating yet?

Well, @bobgnewmilford, I can’t speak for him, but Martin Truex is a fine driver, and a nice guy. But last time we met he told me he was going to a Phillies game. As you may or may not know, I am a die-hard Mets fan. NASCAR superstar or not, he and I would never work out.

@NARNfan If a guy can quote Friedrich von Hayek doesn’t that make him more attractive?

Depends. Does he use an Austrian accent when he does it? Because that can be a little too guttural for me. Plus, if I wanted to take a nap, I could read Road to Serfdom on my own. And in all seriousness, I prefer a guy who can quote his father to a guy who can quote some economist he’s never met.

@jasonskirk Here’s one; if you could recommend one book on atheism, what would it be.

I’d never do such a thing. For one, I’m not out to convert anyone. For another, my atheism wasn’t informed by secular how-to handbooks, many of which sound far scarier than any religious text I’ve ever read.

@dmac_777 Will u marry me (and my wife)?

Wow, is that legal where you live? I’d consider it, but have a few questions first. What kind of housing accommodations would be made for me? Will I have my own bathroom? On movie night, do I get to pick once in a while? Will your current wife cook for me, or will I have to pay my dues as a new sister wife? If I want to go out with my friends, will you two be there? Do you have children, and would I have to talk to them? If we can iron out these details, I’m open.

@Largueso Please discuss how your ballet training has influenced your political outlook.

I could say something witty, like ballet taught me how to be “quick on my feet” or “spin” any situation in my favor, but really it was just 10 years of hard work, discipline, sacrifice and back-breaking pain that left me physically destroyed and in need of psychological repair. But other than that, fun stuff.

@MMcBain What is your strategy for ensuring the entire cast of the Jersey Shore is on the ballot in 2012?

Trust me, those kids don’t need any help from me.

@thegreatbobo How come you don’t make more appearances on The Bubba the Love Sponge Show? Tucker is on every week.

Ooh, Tucker is on every week. Well why don’t you marry Tucker then, @thegreatbobo.

@thefirebuilds Do you go by “S.E.” so people take you more seriously as a columnist rather than write you off as a woman? (no offense intended.)

None taken. And yes.

@ColoradoRight East Coast or West Coast?

That’s a little vague, @ColoradoRight, but I’ll do my best to cover all the bases. I was born on the West Coast, and raised on the East Coast. I prefer living on the East Coast, but I’ll never turn down a West Coast holiday. I went to East Coast schools, with people who had East Coast money, and as a result harbor deep phobias of madras and seersucker. I like West Coast oysters, especially Kumamotos, because they’re sweeter. I’m partial to East Coast rap (R.I.P. B-I-G). For me, West Coast architecture inspires meditation and East Coast architecture inspires cold sweats. And when it comes to coastlines, the West is better for a long drive with the top down, but the beaches north of Boston make me want to write novels about salty fishermen and the beer-battered women who love them.

@retiredfirecapt When are you going to get your own show on FOX?

When someone suffers a severe lapse in judgment.

S.E. Cupp is co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” (Simon & Schuster, June 2008). Her second book, “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity” comes out in April 2010. She is a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.

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