Politics

Dear Meghan McCain: I think we’re the perfect hipster-conservatives. How about a date?

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Jeff Winkler
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      Jeff Winkler

      Jeff Winkler is a Daily Caller staff writer covering firearms, as well as campaign advertising and fringe culture topics. He worked previously for several Arkansas and New Zealand publications. His byline has appeared in Slate, Reason, Good magazine, the Guardian, Washington City Paper and most notably, Worm Digest.

Dear Meghan,

I’ve been following you.

I mean, how can I not? You’re beautiful. You’re honest. You’re also a Twitterific weekly-ish columnist at The Daily Beast with a newly-released book and have been appearing on all my favorite shows recently.

Please, don’t think I’m, like, a creep or anything. It’s just that I think we connect. I get you and I think, finally, “here’s someone who gets me.” In Dirty Sexy Politics you say, repeatedly, “there are no secrets.” I totally agree. That’s why I’ll be completely honest: I’ve developed a major Jones and was hoping we could meet up sometime.

Hear me out.

For one, I’m not like the others. The haters. They call you a valley girl, an unaccomplished nitwit, and sorry. They call you an opportunistic nepotist. Even other McCains are dissing. If you Google “Meghan + stupid,” there are a lot of entries.

Look, I empathize. Cruel commenters once called me “Gay Fonz.”

The worst recent criticism, however, was from RedState blogger Leon H. Wolf , who spent nine printable pages lambasting your book. Meghan, I know you’re a strong, independent woman who’s not afraid to get emotional (it’s partly why I like you). So don’t let Leon the Peon get you down. Honestly, he sounds like a total dickface. He expends more than 1,000 words correcting your grammar when he could have made his point in about 30.

If Leon were good writer, he might have said something like, “Reading Meghan’s book is like watching the English language shanked with a spork before being hog-tied with its own disemboweled entrails” and left it at that.

Comments from people I know have been equally withering. When I bring you up, you’re immediately dismissed as [see everything above]. When I proceed to defend you, my right-leaning peers say, “I bet you wanna show her your big tent” in the most lascivious manner.

But there’s more to it than that.

First of all, we both love family. Beyond that, both of our families are similar. You describe your mom as a saint; mine was a nun. You have an adopted younger sister; I used to tell my little sis she was adopted. We’re also both, “spawns-of” older, maverick fathers who are brave, opinionated, and don’t take crap from anyone.

It’s in politics and life, though, that I think we really connect, because unlike most of our conservative peers we get culture — and unlike our cultured friends, we get conservatism.

Since “there are no secrets,” I’ll confess: for me, DSP was a bit of a bummer. Honestly, I really like your Daily Beast columns best. They flirt with core conservative values of limited-government politics and individual freedom. DSP, however, was a Judy Blume expose about an election that happened, like, a million Internet memes ago.

I had hoped DSP would be a manifesto on how conservatism can regain authenticity while embracing culture and remainingrelevant.” That is, is there a place at the bar for the (hipster + conservative =) hipstervatives?

NEXT: Despite all our disagreements, we could be hip conservatives together