Opinion

Californigaytion

Photo of Ron Hart
Ron Hart
Contributor

California, the state like your fun-but-always-broke, “confirmed bachelor” crazy uncle, is now considering a plan to require public schools to teach gay history. This could only happen in California, where the citizens believe there is nothing government should not be doing and doing it poorly.

The bill, which has passed the state Senate, would add gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons to those groups that MUST be included in social studies lessons. Then it must be signed by Governor “Moonbeam” Jerry Brown; I presume he will do so quickly, with a pink, feathered boa pen.

For the record, you cannot teach religion in schools, but you can be forced to teach gay history. Gay theater department heads who also sing in their church choirs have not been this confused since high school.

My guess is the program teaches the important roles gays have played in society, such as policeman, construction worker, Indian, sailor and cowboy. It will also require field trips to Lady Gaga concerts. AP classes will explore the subtle context of Brokeback Mountain.

Now, as a libertarian, I am fine with gay marriage and gay rights — but not extra rights, which is what they usually mean. I have long felt gays are born that way, and for conservatives to spend political energy to make life difficult for them is absurd. If God made these folks, I am not sure why religious evangelicals have to spend so much time trying to control what they do with other consenting adults. I am not a fan of the mechanics, but I certainly am not focused on them.

If you are against gay marriage because you do not like gay sex, what better way exists to bring it to a screeching halt than marriage? Why should heterosexuals be the only ones trapped in a situation from which the only escape is either to die or to lose half of the assets the divorce lawyers do not take in a long and painful divorce?

That said, California is the Costco of crazy the way it spends money on “social” goals.

There will be appeals of the bill by conservative activists in California but, since they would go to the uber-liberal Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, they might as well put it to a vote at a Barbara Streisand concert.

This bill comes after California recently opened its first gay history museum. New York already has one: it’s called Greenwich Village. Curators in California hope to acquire that Holy Grail of gay memorabilia, Liberace’s cape.

San Francisco residents can be catty and downright bitchy when national politics do not go the way they see fit. When Arizona adopted a strong anti-illegal immigration law, the city tried to boycott that state, dealing a catastrophic blow to the otherwise thriving Arizona gay bighorn sheep hunting industry.

Of late, we have become hypersensitive about gay issues. Kobe Bryant was fined six figures by the NBA for calling a referee “gay,” which is crazy. What gay guy would wear black and white stripes? It is not fabulous and it is sooo Footlocker.

Universal Studios even pulled a trailer for Vince Vaughn’s upcoming movie, because Vaughn said that “electric cars are gay” in the trailer. I guess Vaughn outed “green” cars, causing a Prius to run into the rear of a Nissan Leaf in Texas. Both cars were arrested for sodomy.

  • lamecherry

    Does this include the history where God rained fire and brimstone on those gay inhabitants of the plain of Sodom as they were and abomination to the Lord?

    It is now California law to teach all gay history. Interesting when the judgment part comes up.

  • cashman

    Loved the 2nd page where Hart says:

    “When asked about gay marriage, the leading presidential candidates say the following:

    Barack Obama is “against gay marriage.”

    Mitt Romney says he is “for domestic partnerships,” but has flip-flopped on the issue. It sounds like someone had a crazy Mardi Gras weekend in Utah.

    Sarah Palin says, “Marriage is between a man and a woman only.”

    Donald Trump says, “Watch Celebrity Apprentice on Wednesday nights at 9 on NBC.”

    That about sums it up. Very well done.

  • independent

    We need separation of church and state and end the government’s recording and regulation of marriage. Turn marriage back over to the churches.

    Why does the government need to know who I’m shacked up with? All they need to know is household income and number of residents and who I’m claiming as a dependent or who can claim me as a dependent.

    And yes, marriage is a religion thing. It is not for people who don’t go to church. And some uneducated person is going to say “I know two atheists who are married”. Well, then, you know two morons. Why would two atheists make a covenant with a God they don’t believe in?

    • flips

      Exactly.

      The government should issue a standard, civil union decree that applies to all couples and binds them legally and equally. This protects the welfare of children in the event of a split.

      “Marriage” becomes a blessing strictly for couples attached to a faith community.

  • flips

    Acknowledging 10% of the population exists, and always has, is not a threat to you, Ron.

    Sounds like you secretly need a man-date, but have been repressing it for years, thus the fear of the “other.”

    • marlynmonkey

      So I get this right flips, you are calling someone gay to get your gay rights point across? Ironic.

      Another great column by Hart, one of the best workinga at op ed humor today.

      • flips

        My point is that men who oppose gay rights are often in the closet and their hate stems from not being courageous enough to admit who they really are.

        Steady stream of conservative politicians revealed as gay to prove this theory.

        If you are happily straight, why does it matter so much what gay people do?

        • CalTrillen

          Flip, read his column, Hart is for gay rights. You guys on the left, even when people agree with you, have to rip them apart without thinking.

          Great column, it really lays out the issue: spending on social goals.

    • The_anniebanannie

      Where in that article does Hart say anything derogatory about gays? He doesn’t. You, on the other hand, find that the worst insult you could scrape up is to call him gay.

      “California is the Costco of crazy ”

      AMEN! and you, Flips, have been on the shelf a long, long time.

  • leblancrg

    I would propose that the Federal government offer to buy enough California state bonds to cover their deficit only if they promise to secede from the union and offer citizen ship to all the other liberal space cadets in the U.S. This place needs to be it’s own country. Let it pay it’s own bills and suffer the consequences of it left wing lunacy all by itself.