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The greatest obituary of all time

Photo of Taylor Bigler
Taylor Bigler
Entertainment Editor

Michael “Flathead” Blanchard, a Colorado citizen and community activist, died this week at the age of 68 — but we sure wish we could have known him when he was alive.

Blanchard’s obituary in the Denver Post is probably the greatest thing you will read all day:

“Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.” The obit continues to say that Blanchard was an avid Republican and NRA member.

He also takes jabs at some of his former friends from the grave: “So many of [Blanchard's] childhood friends that weren’t killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell.”

The last line of the obituary reads: “As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend.”

If you are in the area on April 14, stop by 8160 Rosemary Street in Commerce City at 3 p.m. to celebrate Flathead’s life. It is sure to be a good time.

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