Ask Matt Labash
51559949BP001_VOTE-10/26/04: Students and fans wait for the arrival of Hip-hop mogul Sean P. Diddy Combes, actor Leonardo DiCaprio and singer Mary J. Blige at a Vote Or Die rally at Wayne State University October 26, 2004 in Detroit, Michigan. The rally was held to urge people to get out and vote on November 2nd. (Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images) 51559949BP001_VOTE-10/26/04: Students and fans wait for the arrival of Hip-hop mogul Sean P. Diddy Combes, actor Leonardo DiCaprio and singer Mary J. Blige at a Vote Or Die rally at Wayne State University October 26, 2004 in Detroit, Michigan. The rally was held to urge people to get out and vote on November 2nd. (Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images)  

Ask Matt Labash: Dare not to dream — an anti-political rant

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Matt Labash
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      Matt Labash

      Hi, welcome to “Ask Matt Labash.” I’ll be your host, Matt Labash. The idea for this column – if idea isn’t too strong a word – is that it is not a column at all. Rather, it’s a conversation. One in which I do ninety-five percent of the talking. If you did most of the talking, you’d have to watch my eyes go dead and my attention wander until it was my turn to talk again. So trust me, it’s better this way.

      For those unfamiliar with me from my day job at The Weekly Standard, I’ll give you a capsule bio by way of introduction: I have the gift of wisdom. Does that sound arrogant? I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t choose wisdom. It chose me. If I had my druthers, I’d have chosen another gift, perhaps the untold riches of Lil’ Wayne, whose teeth are made of actual diamonds, or to be the sexiest man alive, like Rachel Maddow. But wisdom is what they gave me, so wisdom is all I have to give back to you.

      This is not, you should know, a mere advice column. If you need advice, I’ll give it. But the only rule here is that there are no rules. You can ask me a question about anything that’s on your mind: current events, pop culture, media, theology, string theory, fishing tips, wicker repair. The only limits we have are those of your imagination. And those of my knowledge base. Which is considerably limited, truth be told. So try not to ask me anything that requires research. Though they tell me I have access to Google on this computer if we need it.

      If all goes according to plan, ours will not be a traditional writer/reader relationship. It’s more complex than that. I might empathize or cajole. I might educate, instruct, or inspire. I might pretend to answer your question while actually reporting you to Social Services, since you’re a dangerous person who should not have contact with children. I might tell you to climb up on my shoulders, that you’re not heavy, you’re my brother. Or I might tell you that you are heavy, and that you should hop down until you lose a few pounds. I might just sidle up behind you, put my big strong man hands on the small of your back, and whisper in your ear the words of the poet, Kenny Rogers: “We’ve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?”

      To which you’ll say something like, “I can’t, I’ve got to go home and wash my hair.”
      To which I’ll say something like, “Shhh. We’ve got tonight babe, why don’t you stay?”
      Wherever this takes us, our journey begins now:

      <i>Matt Labash is a senior writer with The Weekly Standard. His first book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fly-Fishing-Darth-Vader-Evangelical/dp/1439159971">Fly Fishing with Darth Vader: And Other Adventures with Evangelical Wrestlers, Political Hitmen, and Jewish Cowboys</a> will be published next month by Simon & Schuster.</i>

EDITOR’S NOTE: Have a burning sensation? Consult your doctor. Have a burning question for Matt Labash? Submit it here.

Dear Matt, In the past, I’ve always tried to maintain at least a fractionally heightened level of engagement with the issues, debates and personalities leading up to a presidential election.  This has been due to both genuine interest and a sense of obligation.  However, even three months out, I find myself so fatigued by the demagoguery, demonization and cartoonish diversions that have enveloped American politics that I have already tuned out almost entirely. And given the near certainty that I will be unpersuaded to change my intended vote by anything that happens between now and November 6th (sorry gays, union thugs, eco-terrorists and Californians), can I in good conscience take a pass and still be in fulfillment of my civic responsibility? – George

Glad you said it, George, so I don’t have to. Though I have, in fact, taken plenty of occasions both here and elsewhere to proclaim the healing power of apathy.  Which isn’t so much apathy, as willful disengagement. Not an act of rebellion, but of self-preservation. To anyone who spends any amount of time dog-paddling through the scum-slicked waters of our political culture, I’d suggest that if you don’t become a committed cynic, then you’re just not paying close enough attention.

This is not a fashionable statement to make in such an election year, of course. For as pep squad leaders on all sides pompously remind us about every 20 seconds, this is The Most Important Election of our Lifetime. Maybe it is, probably it isn’t. They said the same thing four years ago, and forty years ago. They’ll say the same next election cycle, too. Our animal brains are designed, I suppose, to respond to the most immediate threat, and not to retain a sense of proportion, filing current events in the proper place against threats past: minor historical inconveniences like World Wars, the Great Depression, and presidential assassinations.

We are, to be sure, facing some pressing issues. And I was glad to see Mitt Romney, who nobody has ever accused of possessing a surfeit of personal conviction, outsource to a vice presidential pick who reportedly has some. Agree with Paul Ryan or don’t, but he’s at least taken an honest stab at addressing entitlement reform, one of the knottiest problems of the moment. As someone who’s traditionally voted Republican when not sitting out elections entirely out of disgust, I think it’ll be refreshing to see Republicans lose on principle, rather than losing on none. (Not according to me, but to the current RealClearPolitics average of swing state polls, plus that source of smart-money wisdom, InTrade, where Obama is currently up on Romney 57.7 to 41.2 percent — though admittedly, the only constant is change.)

But even if  I’m inclined to like Ryan, he’s still just a politician. And while  I wouldn’t go so far as to apply H.L. Mencken’s worldview to every politician — “The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down” — neither do I believe Ryan will heal the lame, raise the dead, or whittle the entire country down to 5 percent body fat. (Michelle Obama has tried, and look around — it’s not working.)