Thank you, America. Thank you for re-electing Barack Obama.
Thank you for solidifying Obamacare. Thank you for ensuring that my health insurance rates will rise to the point where my employer drops my coverage. Thank you for future higher prescription drug prices, for lower quality care, for long lines to see my doctor, and for allowing a board of 15 people to determine my fate. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for making sure our media will be taking a coffee break for the next four years instead of holding our elected officials accountable (unless they’re Republicans, of course). Thank you for making sure we’ll never find out about how we lost a brave border agent who was shot by a gun from a government gun-running operation. Thank you for making sure we won’t find out about why our president lied about the circumstances surrounding the death of an ambassador. Thank you for seeing to it that we won’t find out that the government’s response to Sandy was worse than its response to Katrina. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for making sure we’ll continue to have an education system that teaches children that you are bad while ignoring the genius of your Declaration of Independence and your Constitution; that teaches children about birth control and gender equality but steers clear of God; that teaches children to rely on the government for the things they need instead of on themselves. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for ensuring that we will continue to run up huge deficits. Thank you for ensuring the continued abuse of the Fed, which will be free to print more money, eventually making it worth less than the paper it’s printed on. Thank you for piling that debt on my children, so they’ll have to work for your government and China’s, rather than for themselves and their families. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for making sure our military strength will be greatly reduced, in men and in supplies and equipment. Thank you for cementing poor relationships with our allies while coddling our enemies. Thank you for ensuring Iran gets a nuclear weapon, which it will not be afraid to use, probably resulting in another deadly global conflict down the road. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for ensuring that proposed regulations on oil drilling and coal mining will be implemented, which will cause gas and electricity prices to spike. Thank you for ensuring that we won’t be able to build new power plants and refineries. And thank you especially because these things will cause our everyday necessities, like food and transportation, to cost us more than ever before. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for ensuring that our religious institutions will be dictated to by your government, that they will have to provide services such as contraception and abortion even though doing so defies their most basic beliefs. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for making sure we will continue to further divide ourselves into groups and see ourselves only by our race, gender, age, sexual orientation and income, instead of seeing each other as Americans. Thank you, America.
Thank you, America, for the judges who will soon be sitting behind the benches in our courts, who will render decisions based on ideological social beliefs while ignoring the Constitution they’ve sworn to uphold. Thank you, America.
Yes, thank you, America, for all of these wonderful gifts you’ve given us by re-electing Barack Obama.
Of course, if I was bitter, I would have used another word besides “thank” in front of “you.”
Jack Finn is a freelance writer who has worked in the entertainment and sports industries for the last 25 years. He’s a proud American, and most importantly, a loving father and husband.