The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
Gen. David Petraeus and Jack McBrayer Gen. David Petraeus and Jack McBrayer  

EXCLUSIVE: Cast list for made-for-TV movie about Petraeus sex scandal revealed [SLIDESHOW]

Hollywood is already abuzz over how to spin the Gen. Petraeus sex scandal into gold.

Since the script practically wrote itself, all producers have left to do is cast the movie, which is expected to premiere on either Lifetime or Oxygen in about two months.

The Daily Caller exclusively obtained a tentative cast list of main characters for the made-for-TV movie, “Desk Sex, Lies and No Surveillance Tapes: The Spyfall of Gen. David Petraeus.”

Click an image below for larger version.
  • Kenneth the Page from "30 Rock" is slated to play Gen. Petraeus. (Try to unsee it.)
  • The fictional character from the first two "Terminator" films, Sarah Connor, will portray Paula Broadwell.
  • Jamie Lynn-Sigler, who hasn't been famous since "The Sopranos" ended, will get a chance to revive her career by playing the other other woman, Jill Kelley.
  • Disgraced NY Rep. Chris Lee, who sent shirtless photos of himself in an attempt to solicit sex on Craigslist, will portray the unknown FBI agent who sent shirtless photos of himself to Jill Kelley.
  • Producers plan to go back in time to get Kathy Bates circa "Misery" to play Holly Petraeus, since the general's wife (spoiler alert!) goes Annie Wilkes on his ass. They have to add the Hollywood drama somewhere.
  • Gen. John Allen, who reportedly engaged in "flirtatious" e-mails with Kelley, will be played by 1950's anthropomorphic, cartoon dog Droopy. The dog will be brought up to speed on Gmail prior to filming.

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