You’d think that Chicago, of all places, would’ve learned that prohibition doesn’t work. But now that Emperor Rahm has solved all the other problems in the Windy City, he wants to make sure everybody can still fit into their ballet tights.
Mayor Rahm Emanuel said Wednesday he’s cracking down on the caloric content of vending machines in city buildings and plans to replace them all with healthy vending by next year.
A proposed ordinance, to be introduced this week, will lay out plans for the new machines and detail guidelines on fat, sugar and calorie content starting in January 2013.
“These new vending machines will make it easier than ever before for city employees and the public to make healthy lifestyle decisions,” Emanuel said. “When city employees take their wellness into their own hands, we can reduce health care costs and also serve as a model for the residents of Chicago when it comes to making healthy choices.”
Don’t you see how much Rahm cares about you, Chicagoans? He’s helping you make healthy lifestyle decisions by limiting what you can decide. He’s putting your wellness into your own hands by taking it out of your hands. After all, we can’t truly be free if people insist on making the wrong choices.
So, who will become the Al Capone of Twinkies? Ha ha, just kidding. Rahm won’t have to worry about those sugary temptations for much longer, as Betsi Fores reports:
The beloved snack company that produces Ho Hos and Twinkies has warned that the current labor strike may force the company to close its doors after nearly 100 years of operation.
“We’ve been very straightforward that the business can’t withstand the significant work stoppage,” Hostess CEO Grey Rayburn said of the strike. “If this strike continues, there is certainly a risk that Hostess will go out of business.”
Hooray! Sure, it’ll mean the loss of hundreds more jobs, on top of all the other jobs that are going bye-bye even though Obama is president. But isn’t it worth losing our jobs and our liberty to reduce health care costs by doing what we’re told?
Four more years!
(Hat tip: Erika Johnsen)