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Top 10 ridiculous White House ‘We the People’ petitions

Photo of David Martosko
David Martosko
Executive Editor

Now that disaffected Americans in all 50 states have petitioned the Obama administration for the right to secede from the United States, the door is open for far more important petitions — like a request to have a catered pizza party once Missouri strikes out on its own. (RELATED: White House “secede” petitions reach 675,000 signatures, 50-state participation)

Is it funnier that real people actually submitted these ten proposals to the White House, or that the administration has only removed one five of them fr0m public view? You tell us. (RELATED: Top 10, part 2)

And if you actually sign any of these, you have no one to blame but yourself when the really, really big changes come.

#10: Don’t mess with Texas

“[K]indly ignore any requests from fellow Texans asking for a withdrawal from the United States of America. … [I]t’s important to keep the rivalries between Texas and Oklahoma, the Cowboys and the NFC East, the Rangers and the Angels, and the Mavericks, Spurs and Rockets with the rest of the Western Conference alive and kicking.”

#9: North America is breaking up

“Peacefully grant the State of Canada to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.”

#8: This land is your land…

“The Constitution gives the citizens of the United States of America protection from butt-hurt over elections results. When this basic right is threatened not only by reality, but by math and fancy book-learning, it is only natural that we, the citizens of the United States stand to defend them. … I pray the government of the United States of America peacefully allow for America to be America and stuff.”