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Santa Clause having a beer. Getty Images. Santa Clause having a beer. Getty Images.  

Five Christmas gifts that will impress the hell out of the boozehound in your life

Photo of Christopher Bedford
Christopher Bedford
Managing Editor

We have a confession to make. Even though we’ve been waiting for Christmas to get here since Halloween, we aren’t ready for it. Like, at all.

Now don’t get us wrong — we’ve been swigging eggnog and going to Christmas parties and cranking Bing Crosby with the rest of them, but when the blur of Christmas parties started ending and we began wrapping up last minute travel plans, something terrible dawned on us: We have no clue what to buy our dad, brother or son, and if we ask the ladies in our life what to get, they just recommend a scarf or some other stupid shit that will make it look like the gift-giver A) didn’t really give a crap, and B) asked mom what to get.

Oh, and before anyone gets smart and says they’ll buy the latest video game or something, homeboy probably already has it, or didn’t want it so didn’t buy it.

But all is not lost: The Daily Caller has compiled a list of five Christmas presents that will make even the most callous bro in the family think we not only care, but know what we’re talking about. So let’s start at breakfast.

Crown Royal Maple Finished Whisky

We’re going to start with Crown Royal Maple Finished Whisky because that’s the bottle we’re fixing to start Christmas Day with.

Normally, when we hear something is from Canada and was originally made to celebrate a British king, we start warming up the tar and plucking the feathers, but with Crown Royal, we’ll make an exception because, well, it’s whisky.

See, whisky is the ultimate tool of diplomacy: We love to raise a glass with our friends and ladies, we deign to share a drink with our business partners, and we will even pour a glass for our enemies if we need to come to the table for something. It’s a drink that is crafted from America to Canada, Scotland to Ireland, England to Japan; and it is enjoyed everywhere in between. But normally, even we’ll admit it’s a drink best served after a long day’s work — but this stuff, we could pour on our pancakes.

Picture this: It’s early and our character was up late; the monsters he helped spawn are screaming and making a mess; all the thanks for the money and time he spent is going to a make-believe character; the dog is flipping out; the parents are in town and expecting him and the whole family dressed and at church; and it’s freezing outside and the driveway needs to be shoveled. But then something catches his eye: A velvet bag with gold string (yeah — it comes wrapped) swaddling a fancy-looking bottle of Crown Royal Maple Finished Whisky. So, while the kids are busy chasing the dog around the tree, he cracks it open just to give it a smell.

On the nose, it’s clear that this isn’t your basic Crown Royal: There are strong hints of maple, toffee and caramel.

On the tongue, a dark burned caramel flavor with vanilla and a delicious maple-syrup tinge. At first, we thought it may be too sweet, but then the whiskey burn hits (it’s still 80 proof!) and all the cranking noise machines and Nerf darts flying past our head suddenly can’t ruin our mood.

Bottles run for about $25 and can be found at most good liquor stores. But what if that special whiskey-lover in mind doesn’t quite like it that sweet?

This is an idea with a personal touch: