Whether it’s starting a scooter gang, becoming slightly less awesome or drinking more American-made alcohol, some Daily Caller staffers are spilling their 2013 New Year’s resolutions. (RELATED: TheDC’s 2012 New Year’s resolutions)
Jim Antle, editor, Daily Caller News Foundation: “My New Year’s resolution is to be the first person to go over the fiscal cliff in a barrel.”
Chris Bedford, associate editor and scooter owner: “I’m going to start a scooter gang for sure. Just haven’t decided if I’ll use my powers for good or evil yet.”
Taylor Bigler, entertainment editor: “I resolve to be more assertive when sending staff-wide emails. Reply to me or I will cut you.”
Vince Coglianese, senior online editor and perfect human being: “I love New Year’s resolutions. They’re the sole reason I become a better person each and every year. But as I inch closer to perfection, I’m beginning to lose options for my improvement. With that in mind, I intend to reverse direction, pick up a few bad habits and be prepared for a better answer next year.”
Sarah Hofmann, videographer and drinker of whisky: “1. Take up urban foraging (for substances legal and otherwise) 2. Write, direct, produce and film a feature-length documentary on the life of Nicholas Ballasy. 3. Stop drinking Canadian whisky to keep distilling jobs in America.”
Patrick Howley, reporter and cigarette critic: “To stop buying things just so the sales clerk will think positively of me.”
Matt Lewis: “Destroy the other Matt Lewises. Abandon campaign to bring Rex Ryan to Washington. Persuade Lawson’s Deli to name a sandwich after me. Develop a killer get-out-the-vote app. (Don’t test it till Election Day 2016.)”
David Martosko, executive editor: “I plan to develop a miniaturized stealth drone that can fly into the MSNBC headquarters to learn why Al Sharpton is still on the air. I’m also going to hack into as many blogs as I can, just to fix their typos.”
Caroline May, reporter: “I’m resolving to no longer set my alarm for 4:30 AM, when I usually just end up hitting snooze for an hour and a half.”
Neil Patel, CEO: “I resolve to fire that washed up Carlson guy and put the whole operation in Taylor Bigler’s hands where it should be.” [Author’s note: Agreed. We’ll talk later.]
Mike Piccione, Guns & Gear editor: “I resolve to try not to shoot at Taylor [Bigler] with a bb gun when she is swimming. But if she swims into my flying bb it’s not my fault.”
Gregg Re, editor: “I resolve to figure out how the three-minute song ‘Don’t Wake Me Up’ by Chris Brown has 10 more credited writers than ‘War and Peace.'”
Grae Stafford, multimedia producer: “I will drink more energy drinks. I will smoke more electronic cigarettes. I will rejoice in the healthy lifestyle choices I have made for 2013.”
Robby Soave, reporter, Daily Caller News Foundation: “I resolve to overthrow Walter White and become the meth king of the southwestern United States. (In reality, I’m just going to watch even more TV.)”
Jim Treacher: “My New Year’s resolution is to always finish what I…”
Alex Treadway, VP of sales/ COO: “Exercise more, drink more water, eat more leafy green vegetables, lose 35 pounds (again), enjoy nuance and each day find a way to laugh at politics and politicians (easier to do working at The Daily Caller).”
Peter Tucci, opinion editor and already avid ping pong player: “My New Year’s resolution is to play more ping pong at work.”
Jamie Weinstein, senior editor: “1. Financially recover after recklessly spending all my money assured the world would end as result of Mayan Apocalypse. 2. Continue lobbying efforts to get Irish government to officially add Daily Caller reporter Neil Munro’s face to Irish flag. 3. Cover the hell out of the 2013 presidential election.”