DC Trawler

Science may have found a use for pandas

Some people think pandas are nothing more than bamboo-crapping wastes of space, and I’m one of those people. All pandas do is sleep, eat wicker, and act like dicks:

But as it turns out, nature’s cuddliest evolutionary dead end might serve a purpose after all. According to Wired UK:

Biologists have discovered that a powerful antibiotic compound in Giant Panda blood may have a range of human applications.

The compound, cathelicidin-AM, kills bacteria and fungi in the pandas’ bloodstream and biologists suspect it may have the potential to be used in a wide range of human medicine — particular in treating drug-resistant superbugs.

Pandas are way too lazy to finish med school, so it’s a good thing we’re here to pick up the slack.

I’m always happy to see the phrase “panda blood,” but this is a whole new context. The trick will be figuring out how to synthesize the antibiotic before all the pandas die off, since they like to mate about as much as Mr. Roper. Hang in there until we can get some use out of you, you flabby two-tone layabouts. Then you can finally go away.