DC Trawler

More sequester fallout: Michelle Obama can only get Adele and Beyonce to sing at her birthday party

We all have to tighten our belts these days. And that’s especially painful for the First Lady, who usually wears hers up around her ribcage.

Her Highness’s 50th birthday party isn’t until next January, but it’s already being put together. When you’re pinching pennies, you have to plan ahead! Sounds like it’ll be a modest, low-key affair, as the Daily Mail reports:

‘America’s First Lady will be holding a huge celebrity-packed party for her birthday at the White House next year and, as she adores Adele and Beyonce, she has asked them both to sing,’ says a source.

‘Adele has graciously accepted and waived her usual fee for the high-profile private performance. She will sing a selection of her most-loved hits for the First Lady and her friends.’

Well, that’s one way to get a tour of the White House.

But relax, wingnuts. None of your precious tax money will be used:

The source added: ‘The Obamas will pay Adele’s expenses as it’s a private party, not a State one.’

For now. Isn’t there some way we can make Michelle’s birthday a national holiday? Isn’t it kind of racist not to?

This spectacle will lift the spirits of the common rabble, allowing them to forget their petty troubles and meaningless concerns. Their queen First Lady is magnanimous enough to provide them a brief respite from their filth-caked scrabbling for survival.

You’re welcome, peasants.

(Hat tip: Washington Examiner)