Everybody knows that Craigslist is the best place in the world to find random, possibly diseased sex partners and crappy furniture nobody wants.
Naturally, then, a Philadelphia woman who says she wants to find a special female to deflower her “extremely smart but socially awkward” 18-year-old son knew exactly where to turn: the “casual encounters” section of Philly’s Craigslist personals.
The young man is allegedly going to Harvard, you see, and his mother says she wants him to be sexually ready when he arrives in Cambridge. Because what kind of mother wouldn’t be worried sick about that?
“This is going to sound strange but my son is a senior in High School and I want to help him,” the concerned mother writes in the ad placed on July 16 12:49 p.m. Eastern time. The ad is titled “Sugar Baby for my Son – m4w – 18 (Philly).”
It’s not clear what this kid is doing still in high school in the middle of July.
He “has never had a girl friend,” she explains. She is “sure he’s a virgin.” He is — or was — also a member of the varsity cross country team at an undisclosed high school. He is “very handsome and extremely fit… There’s almost zero body fat on him.”
The helpful mother says she wants “to find a cute young girl to date him and turn him from high school nerd to cool college kid.”
Mom’s plan is simple: “I’ll buy 4 tickets to some great concert coming up and give two to my son and 2 to you,” she schemes. “Ask him to take you somewhere after and ditch your friends. Then you seduce him and take his virginity. Keep dating him (and showing him different sex positions) til he goes to college and then let him go gently so he’ll have the confidence to date other girls once he’s there.”
The reward for participating in this devious mom’s machinations — in addition to the all the satisfaction it will bring, of course — will apparently be cash and an automobile.
“In return I’ll make your financial issues disappear,” she promises, with an added wink. “Please put your favorite type of car in the subject, to show that you’re real. Thanks!”