The newest captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise: Shepard Smith

From the Scenes We’d Like to See file…

UNNAMED ~~ENSIGN~~ REPORTER: Captain Smith, we’re receiving a hailing signal from the White House!

SMITH: Onscreen.

[Suddenly filling up the main viewscreen: the glowering face of President Barack Obama]

OBAMA: Captain Smith. Just as I suspected. Prepare to be boarded or I will blow your newsroom out of the sky.

SMITH: [taps flag pin on lapel, which chirps in response] Scotty, get us out of here right now.

SCOTTY: [tinny voice on communicator] I’m sorry, Captain, she’s givin’ it all she’s got. The search engines just canna take much more!

OBAMA: [slowly smiling] At last…

[Dramatic music blares, cut to opening credits for Star Trek: The Fox Generation]

Etc.