The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
Maj. Gen. Michael Carey. Air Force. Maj. Gen. Michael Carey. Air Force.  

Daily Caller Patriot: Maj. Gen. Michael J. Carey

A two-star Air Force general in charge of nuclear weapons was relieved of command of the 20th Air Force — which includes three nuclear wings — in October after the boss found out he spent a three-day trip to Russia repping the Stars and Stripes by doing all things Russia, from the liquor to the ladies.

Maj. Gen. Michael Carey, who was outed by a Thursday inspector general report, went pretty hard while leading a trip to Vladimir Putin’s hotly protected freezing wasteland, hanging out with sketchy chicks, slugging booze and generally handling himself like a boss.

Carey was on a July trip to teach the Ruskies how to transfer their nukes without losing them. So, like any dutiful bro on a proper Euro trip, he started drinking in Zurich and didn’t stop for a minute, cavorting with “suspicious” girls he met at a bar, insulting Russians and generally keeping warm.

And although he survived his Arctic adventure, a squid in Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel’s office snitched on the general, leading to his firing.

“Carey’s 35-year career otherwise has been distinctive,” The Washington Post reported after he was first fired, failing to mention the many accomplishments he achieved in those three thorough days.

On top of taking a couple of girls back to his hotel room at once, the general’s “offenses” apparently include getting lit at lunch and telling those Russian bastards just what he thought about all their crappy friends, including Edward Snowden and Bashar al-Assad. “His Russian hosts did not seem amused by his comments,” CNN reports.

Other wins detailed in the report  include trying to fist bump the Russian guide lady, attempting to join the band at a Mexican restaurant, interrupting stupid Russian toasts (with what we’re sure was timely and insightful commentary) and loudly reminding Switzerland that through his awesome mind and might, America ”saves the world from war every day.”

You hear that, Europe? Every damn day. And don’t forget it.

Maj. Gen. Michael J. Carey, for capping 35 “distinguished” years of service to the United States by doing everything America should do, and saying everything America should say, we award you the highly coveted Daily Caller Patriot Award. Go forth, slugger. We have a feeling that Russia is not the last place you’ll conquer.

Unless you’re married. In which case we suggest you bail out somewhere over the Atlantic.

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