DC Trawler

We really don’t care that you’re gay, gay people

Hi. So, you’re gay, you say? As in homosexual? Oh.

Okay.

There you go. That’s basically my reaction. I do not care. You are not threatening to me (unless you actually threaten me, verbally and/or physically, which I hope you don’t do). I don’t hate you (unless you’re talking on your cellphone in line at the grocery store while the clerk is trying to get your attention). I may not agree with you on a particular issue, but it’s not because of your sexual orientation (unless the issue is ice dancing or intramural softball).

If I make a joke at gay people’s expense, as I just attempted to do, it doesn’t mean I want you to be wiped from the planet. It means I made a joke.

Not necessarily the deepest thoughts ever expressed, but they’ve been in my head all week during my move. Between Michael Sam and Ellen Page, it’s been a good week for mid-level talents to come out of the closet. I never had strong feelings one way or another about either of them before, and I don’t now. (Well, I really hated Page in Super, but I hated everything else about that movie too.)

I’m not claiming to speak for anybody but myself. But there are more of us on the conservative-libertarian spectrum than you might think. A lot of people are just in the gay-tolerance closet.

That’s why, when I see headlines like “Why the Curious Right-Wing Silence on Michael Sam?” by Dave Zirin at The Nation, I just have to laugh. “What’s wrong with you teabaggers? Why aren’t you conforming to Zirin’s stereotype of you?” Maybe right-wingers are silent, Dave, because there’s nothing to say. He’s gay. Why should I care? Let him [ahem] rise or fall on his own merits in his career of choice.

The long answer is: Most people in 2014 America couldn’t care less if you’re gay, so just try to relax.

The short answer is: See previous sentence.

P.S. And before you bring up Fred Phelps, keep in mind that he’s a registered Democrat who campaigned for Al Gore. Okay, now go ahead.

P.P.S. I just realized that this is the worst headline ever composed, but I’m too tired to change it.