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Rob Ford Is Hitting That Sweet, Sweet Rock Again

Sarah Hofmann Contributor
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Everyone’s lovable fat drunk uncle from up north has announced that he’s going to rehab after a second video of him smoking crack surfaced.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was allegedly videotaped early Saturday morning smoking crack in his sister’s basement and talking rudely about his opponent Karen Stintz and his wife Renata.

The video was filmed by his drug dealer, who claims to have three incriminating tapes, and is attempting to sell them as a package for six figures, the Globe and Mail reports. In addition to the tape of Ford smoking crack on Saturday morning, there is another tape of him drunk out of his mind from Monday night. A witness described him as acting “like an ass.”

Ford’s lawyer Dennis Morris said that despite the rehab stint, he is remaining in the race.

“He has to take a break to re-energize because he realizes he has flaws that have to be addressed,” Morris said. “Oh yeah, he’d never in my eyes, think of quitting that race.”

Ford released a statement saying, “It’s not easy to be vulnerable, and this is one of the most difficult times in my life. … Today, after taking some time to think about my own well-being, how to best serve the people of Toronto and what is in the best interests of my family, I have decided to take a leave from campaigning and from my duties as mayor to seek immediate help.”

Unfortunately, Justin Bieber, another Canadian, still exists.

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