Conan O’Brien’s foul-mouthed Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog took to Astoria, Queens Tuesday to kick around soccer fans.
“Everyone is cheering their countries in their favorite sport. The rest of the world calls it futbol. In America, we call it a ‘fucking waste of time.’”
Triumph said he kids, he kids. Everyone has to love soccer.
“The excitement of minimal contact, the thrill of no scoring. If you like watching porn in reverse, this sport is for you.”
Triumph, the puppet who gets his voice from Robert Smigel and made his late night debut in 1997, wore his signature gold bowtie and chomped on a cigar as he interviewed Colombian, Greek, and Uruguayan fans.
While visiting a bar packed with yellow-clad Colombian fans, Triumph said the Colombia vs. Japan game would start as soon as the players were done warming up.
“Oh, wait. I’ve just been informed that this is the game, and I’ve been watching soccer for two hours.”
Triumph continued to berate all fans, regardless of nationality.
Greece advanced to the round of 16 Tuesday, and Triumph told one fan it was “an honor to meet someone who’s humped more sheep than I have.”
“Do you think Greece still has a chance? Not to win the game, just to get approved for a Discover card…because their economy is in the shitter.”
After Uruguay lost 3-1 to Costa Rica, Triumph reminded fans that at least they didn’t have to live in Uruguay.
“It’s a tragedy,” Triumph told an older fan.
“Uruguay lost and a 72-year-old man has a ponytail.”
Watch the hilarious skit here: