Sports

Metta World Peace Is Changing His Name To ‘Panda Friend’

Metta World Peace, aka Ron Artest, aka That Guy Who Beat Everyone Up In Detroit During A Brawl, is going with another name change, according to China Daily.

He’s playing in China this year because he’s definitely not a parody of an athlete at all. What’s the name he’s considering?

“Panda Friend.”

Contrary to popular opinion, I love Metta’s antics. The “just play the game” mantra is stupid. I want my athletes loud and obnoxious.

Panda Friend is a dope name, even though pandas might be the stupidest creatures on the planet. Seriously, how are you a 250-pound bear capable of eating meat, but you decide to eat bamboo and not mate with any other panda, even though there are only like five of you left?

But imagine having that on a driver’s license. When he gets his DUI in the next few years, a policeman is going to have to call in to check for warrants on a Mr. “Panda Friend,” and I would pay a large sum of money to see that happen.

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