NFL Previews That Don’t Suck: NFC East

Al Weaver | Reporter

Could there have been a more underwhelming division last year? Goodness gracious. Shall we do a rundown to look at the awfulness that was the NFC East? 1) EVERYONE got their division pick wrong last year. Most people picked the Redskins (RACIST!), Dallas, or the Giants. LOL you were all wrong. 2) RGIII. He was so bad that he didn’t even play the final two games of 2013. 3) Eli sucked and Tony Romo continued to be Tony Romo. Any complaints there, Eagles fans? Didn’t think so.

Philadelphia Eagles

2013 Record – 10-6, Division Champions
NFC East Record – 4-2

Notable Losses: DeSean Jackson, Michael Vick
Notable Additions: Malcolm Jenkins (FA), Mark Sanchez (FA)
Notable Draft Picks: Jordan Matthews

Back on the perch atop the NFC East, once again. Feel good Eagles fans? The Birds, unless RGIII miraculously reverts to 2012 RGIII and the Giants don’t, umm, suck again will have next to no competition for the NFC East his year. Dallas is eternally an 8-8 team, they don’t matter.

Offensively, Chip Kelly will probably continue to be, you know, Chip Kelly and make matters a living hell for defenses. Considering he only started 10 games last year, one would be hard pressed to think Nick Foles isn’t gearing up for a huge year. While 29 touchdowns and 2 interceptions is borderline immaculate (that won’t happen again), expectations for a big year are completely fair and valid.

Oh, have we mentioned his running back? Whoops probably should have done that earlier. Anyway, LeSean McCoy led the NFL in rushing last year. That should help, right? Couple those two with the likes of a healthy Jeremy Maclin, Riley Cooper, and impressive youngsters Zach Ertz and Jordan Matthews, and the Eagles could be devastating offensively.

About the defense though…they are still not up to snuff. Their secondary still sucks (pardon Brandon Boykin), even with newly-signed Malcolm Jenkins. This defense is largely the same defense that ranked 29th in the NFL last season. While the front seven played well enough last year, their secondary is still suspect. Meanwhile, on Special Teams, Alex Henery isn’t on the team anymore. Yay!

Best Case Scenario: 12-4, NFC East Champs
The defense reaches it’s potential and they actually play as team that doesn’t just have Nick Foles, LeSean McCoy, and a scary offense…but rather a defense that wreaks havoc.

Worst Case Scenario: 9-7, Possible playoff berth
The defense continues to be sucky and the offense continues to be good, but more spotty and incur a few injuries, which is always possible when it comes to the Birds.

New York Giants

2013 Record – 7-9, 3rd place
NFC East Record – 3-3

Notable Losses: Hakeem Nicks, David Wilson
Notable Additions: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Rashad Jennings
Notable Draft Picks: Odell Beckham Jr., Andre Williams

Will Eli Manning be as terrible as he was last season: that is the question. Manning led the NFL with 27 interceptions last season and was downright terrifyingly bad. Can he rebound? The answer to that question will largely determine the fate of the New York Ginats next season.

The Giants also need a big time bounce back season from Jason Pierre-Paul, their freakishly-athletic defensive end who can play like the a Lawrence Taylor redux…or the opposite of Lawrence Taylor. He needs to have a double-digit sack season and harass the hell out of opposing quarterbacks in order for this defense to have a chance at stopping anyone. They are an average defensive unit with him playing “meh.” With him playing well though? Completely different story.

Best Case Scenario: 10-6, contention for the NFC East title.
As mentioned above, the Giants season hinges on Eli Manning and Jason Pierre-Paul. If Eli is playing well and avoiding the #ManningFace on most occasions, the Giants have a shot. If Jason Pierre-Paul plays like he’s interested and along the lines of the player we expect him to be, they’ve got a shot. Is that a lot of “if’s”? Yes.

Worst Case Scenario: 5-11, basement of the NFC East.
Everything falls apart. AKA: Eli regresses and Pierre-Paul plays anti-freakishly. The rest of the team is very average and A LOT depends on those two players (if you couldn’t tell already).

Dallas Cowboys

2013 Record – 8-8, 2nd place
NFC East Record – 5-1

Notable Losses: DeMarcus Ware, Jason Hatcher, Kyle Orton
Notable Additions: Brandon Weeden, another year of Jason Garrett
Notable Draft Picks: Zack Martin, Not Johnny Manziel

What to say about the Dallas Cowboys? Let’s see. They still have an owner passing as their general manager. They still have a soul-less ginger as their head coach that has yet to achieve anything. (Wait for it, wait for it) Oh, and Tony Romo is STILL their quarterback.

Yea, doesn’t seem like much is going to change.

Other than Dez Bryant and their stadium, there is absolutely nothing exciting about this team in any way, shape, or form. They are the still the same team that can score a few points, but give up a ton more.

Also…which question is more important here: How in the hell did the Cowboys finish 5-1 vs. the NFC East? (Or) How bad really was the NFC East last season?

Answer to both: Not good. The Cowboys weren’t very good, and the NFC East was pure poop.

There really isn’t much to say other than that.

Best Case Scenario: 8-8
We’re talking about the Cowboys, right? Yea, 8-8 seems about right since this team will be 8-8 for the rest of eternity in all likelihood, at least until they get rid of the triumvirate of Jones, Garrett, and Romo as mentioned above (sorry Lanza).

Worst Case Scenario: 8-8
This team is so not-exciting because they have no wiggle room. They are the NFL’s version of toilet paper, because, as George Costanza once put it pretty well: “Do you realize that toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime? It’s just paper on a cardboard roll, that’s it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?”

Enough said, they suck.

Washington Redskins

2013 Record: 3-13, sucked

Notable Losses: London Fletcher, Kirk Cousins as the starting QB
Notable Additions: Jason Hatcher, Jay Gruden
Notable Draft Picks: 2nd pick in the 2013 draft (Oh wait, they traded that for RGIII LOL whoops)

What was the most notable part of the Redskins offseason? Unfortunately for the team, it was all the dumb banter about changing the team’s name. Everyone from Harry Reid to Mike Ditka has weighed in and, you know what, lets go talk about the team on the field because this is all nonsense.

How will RGIII rebound after 1 1/2 years removed from ACL surgery? That is a far more substantive question than the gibberish being flung around about what the team should and shouldn’t be named. I hope for RGIII’s sake he’s back and playing the way he was in 2012 (and I’m an Eagles fan), because he was so much fun to watch that year. He was what everyone once upon a time imagined Michael Vick.

On the bright side, they did pry DeSean Jackson away from the Eagles (and possibly Crips?). They actually should be a fun offense to watch if RGIII plays well. Couple a healthy RGIII with Alfred Morris, DeSean Jackson, Pierre Garcon, and a young (and possibly studly) Jordan Reed. Oh! And Chucky’s brother is their head coach, so there’s that.

They easily have the most upside of any team in the NFC East, along side the Eagles.

They just can’t stop anyone defensively, even less than the Eagles. Bold Prediction: that will be their downfall.

Best Case Scenario: 10-6, contenders for NFC East title
If the offense is good and the defense steps up, this team could do some things, include challenge the Eagles for the NFC East crown. But…

Worst Case Scenario: 4-12, top five pick in the draft next year!
They still can’t stop anyone on defense, in all likelihood. Jason Hatcher (their big signing on defense) is a free agent signing by the Redskins, which means he will suck like every other player they’ve ever signed (Deion Sanders, Albert Haynesworth HAHAHAHAH). Plus, RGIII did not play well AT ALL this preseason. They very well could be better off with Kirk Cousins at QB.

Tags : dallas cowboys new york giants philadelphia eagles washington redskins
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