A former DEA agent has sent a stern letter to the head of White House Security, detailing an eyewitness account of Secret Service agents playing on their smart phones instead of manning the perimeter of the most important home in the United States.

“I am a part time resident of Washington and frequently walk to the White House,” wrote retired federal agent Michael Grimes in a letter posted on longtime Washington journalist Craig Crawford‘s website Wednesday.

“At any given time, and within my view from any location around the White House, I see at least one, if not more, uniform officers with their heads down playing with an electronic device,” Grimes recounted. “I have seen as many as three officers, standing together, and every one of them had their heads down and not paying a bit of attention. I have walked to within just a few feet of these officers and not one will look up. This is not only disgraceful, it is downright dangerous.”

Grimes said he could easily overpower the Secret Service and execute an attack on the White House, as agents are busy texting and otherwise zoned out on their phones. He grumbled, “These people are not being paid to text with their friends or Google for some place to spend a day off.”

Who do they think they are, 13-year-old girls?

As of late, members of the Secret Service have been caught with prostitutes and getting sloshed on the job. So getting distracted by cell phones seems rather tame until, well, a mentally ill vet shows up with a machete and 800 rounds of ammo.

Grimes owns Criminal Investigation Techniques, a company specializing in training, risk assessment and consulting to law enforcement agencies.

Hint, hint. Maybe the Secret Service can use his help?