It’s been less than a month since the political thrashing given the ruling party by the American people, and the government is already going off the rails. Like the noxious Roman Emperor Caracalla before him, the president is unilaterally redefining the immigration status of massive numbers of people, while the architect of his defining legislation has been outed as a man with nothing but contempt for those he supposedly serves.
Now even the Treasury Department has lost it, turning to Chinese mysticism for solace in these times of uncertainty and upheaval.
“Coming Soon – Year of the Goat 2015 and $100 Dragon·Phoenix Circle of Fortune” began an email sent by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing on Wednesday. The bureau, a subdivision of the Treasury Department, is responsible for the printing of paper money for the Federal Reserve.
Unusually for a government agency, however, it also has an official store on their website, moneyfactorystore.gov. Most of its wares are harmless curiosities — uncut currency sheets, bags of shredded dollars, $2 bills.
But stumble into the “lucky money collection” — heralded by the email mentioned above — and something far more sinister appears.
“In celebration of the upcoming Chinese Lunar New Year, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing is pleased to announce two new additions to its Lucky Money Collection line: Year of the Goat 2015 and Dragon·Phoenix Circle of Fortune,” the email explains. “The Year of the Goat is one of twelve zodiac symbols associated with the Chinese Lunar Calendar. This lucky money product is exquisitely designed with decorative Chinese symbolism and is packaged in a symbolic red folder with embossed gold foil. This product features an uncirculated $1 Federal Reserve note with a serial number beginning with ‘8888.’ The Year of the Goat represents good fortune and prosperity, signifying success in the New Year. This product is sold for $5.95 and only 88,888 will be available for sale.”
In Chinese astrology, the goat — sometimes called the sheep — supposedly represents solidarity, harmony and calmness, according to well-regarded occult source yourchineseastrology.com.
“People born in the year of the Sheep are polite, mild mannered, shy, imaginative, determined and have good taste,” it says. “On the negative side, they are sometimes pessimistic, unrealistic, short-sighted and slow in behavior.”
(In case you were wondering, President Obama was born in the Year of the Ox.)
Does the Treasury Department’s warm embrace of pagan superstition herald a new era in church-state relations? A quick look at the United States Mint gift shop puts that question to rest. This somber little number is the only “holiday”-themed gift available:
Message received, gentlemen. Not even a historic midterm wave can save us from our baby-Jesus-hating Chinese overlords.