The current People will sell better than the Hillary Clinton issue, because Hillary Clinton isn’t on the cover. And when readers turn to the magazine’s latest hard-hitting look at the Obamas, they’ll learn that even the First Lady of the United States isn’t immune from racism.

Remember when Michelle went to Target to prove she’s just like anybody else? She talks about that harrowing experience in a very serious story titled, “The Obamas: How We Deal with Our Own Racist Experiences.”

“I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn’t see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn’t anything new.”

Of all the nerve! Why in the world would that stupid racist think it’s Michelle Obama’s job to help people?

Asking a tall black woman to help you reach a shelf that’s too high for you is racist, because… well, I don’t know why it’s racist. But it is. Why else would Michelle Obama say so?

As Ben Shapiro notes, Michelle had a different spin on that same incident a few years ago. She told David Letterman:

“No one knew that was me. Because a woman actually walked up to me, right? I was in the detergent aisle, and she said — I kid you not — she said, ‘Excuse me, I just have to ask you something.’ And I thought, ‘Oh, cover’s blown.’ She said, ‘Can you reach on that shelf and hand me the detergent?’ I kid you not. And the only thing she said — I reached up, because she was short, and I reached up, pulled it down. She said, ‘Well, you didn’t have to make it look so easy.’ That was my interaction. I felt so good.”

She kidded us not. Yet everybody laughed. Because they’re racists.

Clearly, she’s had time since then to think about what really happened: RACISM.

Let this be a lesson to you, white racists of America (if that isn’t redundant). When you see Michelle and her assistant at Target, get your damn laundry detergent yourself.

This racism is intolerable. I propose direct action at Target stores across the country. Here’s a very important chant to start things off:

Say it loud! Say it with pride!
Blacks aren’t here to fetch your Tide!

Repeat as needed. Which is forever.

Update: And now, a long-distance dedication to the First Racist.

Update:

UVA. Black Storm Troopers. #illridewithyou. Short “racists” at Target asking for help. Invented problems. With one solution: more leftism.

— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) December 17, 2014