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Is There Room For Me On The Trump Train If #NeverTrump Is Futile?

Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks about the results of the Michigan, Mississippi and other primary elections during a news conference held at his Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter, Florida, March 8, 2016. REUTERS/Joe Skippe

REUTERS/Joe Skipper

Jim Treacher Blogger
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It’s fine to pretend to stand on principle when you think it’s going to work. But what happens if it’s starting to look like a lost cause? Do you stick to your guns or not? Well, it’ll please the anti-establishment fans of Donald Trump to hear that I’ve decided to defer to their wisdom and join them. Here’s why:

Never gonna vote for Trump
Never gonna help that clown
Never gonna give up tryin’ to avert you

#NeverTrump means just that. Not #MaybeInNovemberTrump. Not #KeepingMyOptionsOpenTrump. Never. I’m never voting for him, and I’m not going to suddenly pretend it’s a good idea for anybody else to vote for him. Maybe I can’t wrest the steering wheel out of your hands as this car speeds over a cliff, but I sure as hell ain’t hittin’ the gas.

If you really believe this Cabbage Patch-fingered liar can beat that other elderly mess in November, if you’re really looking forward to Obama’s third term (except even more obnoxious and insane), go right ahead. Maybe Trump can win. If he can get this far, anything’s possible.

But don’t blame me if you’re wrong. If the only two options I’m given for president are a criminal or a lunatic, I’m under absolutely no obligation to do anything you people tell me to do.

Being the incurable optimist that I am, I’ve been trying to think of a bright side to a Trump/Clinton matchup. At least it’ll give me twice as much material until November, and twice as many people will hate me. It’s good to keep busy.

P.S.

Jim Treacher

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Neil Patel