Electile Dysfunction — Our Choice: Creep Or Crook

This race has deteriorated into an episode of The Howard Stern Show. Trump gets caught talking vulgarly about what he would like to do to women, and we are reminded what Bill and Hillary Clinton actually did to women.

Once he heard the hot mic comments, Trump’s first instinct was to say he thought he was talking to “Jake from State Farm.” When that didn’t work, he had to do something he has never done before: apologize.

Trump excused his latest gaffe as “locker room” talk. But it was not just “locker room” talk, as he said in the debate, unless he was referring to the Penn State football locker room or the locker room where Anthony Weiner works out. While his cringe-worthy comments were inexcusable, they were, sadly, just a sideshow in this clown parade election.

To call this presidential race a three-ring circus is to insult clowns, jugglers and sword-swallowers. Speaking of whom, Trump had many of Bill Clinton’s exes in the audience.

Democrats stopped comparing Trump to Hitler and now have to compare him to Bill Clinton. Hillary did not worry too much about Trump bringing up her husband’s affairs as the debate was only 90 minutes long; with the help of her friends the “moderators,” she could run out the clock on him.

To summarize: Hillary won the first debate against an unprepared Trump.

Pence beat Kaine in the painfully white V.P. debate, the “Thrilla in Vanilla.” Both men were more reasoned, articulate, kind, respectful and talked more about issues than Clinton v. Trump. So Americans didn’t watch.

Even defending Donald Trump, Mike Pence won that debate because Tim Kaine was afflicted by an awkward talking-point version of Tourette’s Syndrome. He seemed to be racing to get in all the attacks Hillary told him to say so she wouldn’t throw a lamp at him.

Tim Kaine is your typical, oddball, liberal, condescending, life-long politician. He reminds you he went to Harvard – but so did the Unabomber. Kaine also likes to play the harmonica on the campaign trail as his wife clog dances, just to show Virginians that he’s one of them. Kaine gleefully proclaims that he carries six harmonicas on the campaign trail, probably because he has to assume that, on any given trip, at least five of them will get smacked out of his hand.

Pence, on the other hand, is likable, smart and thoughtful. I don’t agree with his social views on government’s role in policing personal choices, but I wish he was the one on top of the ticket. It’s clear he’s true to his religious views; judging by his haircut, he hasn’t been near a gay guy in years.

Trump surprisingly won the second presidential debate Sunday night. He quickly apologized for his “locker room” talk, kept Hillary on the defensive on real issues, and tamped down his D-bag factor. The sad thing is that one of them has to win. It’s not the lesser of two evils here, it’s truly the evil of two lessers.  At times like this, I’m glad I broke out of the two-party prison system long ago and became a Libertarian.

Knowing she’s totally thought of as a dishonest and life-long politician by the millennials, Hillary enlisted teen heartthrob Bernie Sanders to help her. He appeals to 19- to 30-year-olds because most of his suits and all of his underwear are that old. Millennials don’t have much historical context because they don’t pay attention. When Arnold Palmer died, they saw his rainbow umbrella logo and just assumed he was the first gay golfer.

Bernie Sanders sold the pipe dream of forgiving student loan debt to young college kids who have been conditioned to believe they should not have to pay for anything — and they bought it. Bernie has been dispatched to get millennials out to vote by finding their parents’ addresses and going basement to basement urging the kids to vote for Hillary. If they put down their video games and pause from posting a pic on Snapchat of the burrito they had for lunch, they just might.

Hillary must capture the millennial vote to win, but she does not excite young kids like Obama did. This has been her second biggest challenge on the campaign trail, right behind climbing three or more stairs.

A syndicated op-ed humorist, award winning author and TV/radio commentator, you can reach him at Ron@RonaldHart.com, Twitter @RonaldHart or visit RonaldHart.com