Until Friday, Hillary Clinton was measuring the Ovarian Office for curtains. Then a bombshell was delivered by FBI Director James Comey.
Just when you thought this election could not get any weirder, Anthony Weiner has put Hillary’s coronation in danger — Carlos Danger.
After realizing he probably could not live with himself, and with mounting revolts from career FBI agents embarrassed by the agenda-driven, halfhearted investigation into the Clinton, Inc. crimes, Comey had to reopen the case. He was presented with 650,000 new emails (ones he should have obtained under subpoena the first time and which are probably not about Hillary’s “yoga routine”) from an investigation into creeper Anthony Weiner’s child-pornography sexting with an underage N.C. girl.
I just hope FBI agents wore gloves and hazmat suits when they handled Weiner’s personal computer. Data from backing up a smartphone got on their laptop. Yet again Anthony Weiner’s hand-held equipment terrifies a woman.
Huma Abedin is Hillary’s closest advisor and is married to Anthony Weiner, although, tellingly, Hillary called her just “one of my staffers” on Monday.
She has worked for Hillary since interning for her at age 19. (What is it about Clintons and interns?) Bill Clinton officiated at the Weiner-Abedin wedding ceremony, so you know the marriage got a solid start. It was another political business arrangement. Remember the liberal motto: “I’m All About Saving the World.” With liberals, if you act like your heart’s in the right place you can put your hands anywhere you want.
In what is now being called “DickiLeaks,” where investigators have found “stroking guns,” Weiner again inserts himself where he’s not wanted. Huma Abedin is no longer on the campaign trail; she has disappeared. If you want to find her, I suggest looking under that campaign bus where she’s been thrown by Hillary.
No one has heard from the Weiner camp — a camp, by the way, to which I suggest you not send your kids. Maybe they are just being coy. It’s just like Anthony Weiner to leave things dangling. Or maybe he turns state’s evidence to become Weiner-snitch-el.
I thought rock bottom was when Dems conjured up a few women who advanced “she said, he said” claims that Donald Trump tried to kiss them 15 years ago.
Keep in mind, this is from a Democrat party that revered rising Democrat pervert Anthony Weiner as a Congressman and elevated him to a DNC spokesman position. Ted Kennedy drowned a woman. Bill Clinton settled sex cases like FEMA settled Hurricane Katrina claims and was accused of rape several times. We have not only reached rock bottom; we have dug so far down that we are popping up in Chinese rice paddies and startling the field hands.
The movie industry has long thought Anthony Weiner should have, by now, become a big Hollywood star given all the exposure he’s created for himself. Yet to date, only porn film producers at Vivid Entertainment have offered Weiner a job. He could then be a pizza delivery boy, plumber or cable installer, and Hillary’s White House will immediately point to the three middle-class jobs created.
The investigation will probably lead to the Clinton Family Crime Foundation pay-to-play scam. Their faux charity gig may be up. Chelsea Clinton is so worried she may have to enroll in Trump University to learn a trade.
In a non-issues presidential race, the biggest theme the Clinton camp (another camp I wouldn’t send kids to) was pressing last week was some stupid complaint that Trump might not concede the election. And we know the dire legal result if Trump does not give a concession speech: Hillary Clinton is sworn in as our next president on January 20th, 2017.
Liberals believe odd things, like the GOP is waging a war on women and radical Islam is not. Other things that make liberals cry (other than names of pro sports teams) are any inconvenient truths about their candidate that they cannot suppress in the media. Twitter and Google did their job for Hillary, clearly tamping down top searches about the FBI investigation.
Nothing says “I was innocent” more than wiping your emails away with BleachBit so they can’t be recovered — after a subpoena — and smashing your ten cell phones, nine of which you said you didn’t have.
I just hope the investigation does not get in the way of the Clintons’ historic achievement: becoming the first two-impeachment family. That makes a nation proud.
A syndicated op-ed humorist, award winning author and TV/radio commentator, you can reach him at Ron@RonaldHart.com, Twitter @RonaldHart or visit RonaldHart.com