DC Trawler

Brian Williams Wants To Talk About ‘Alternate Universes’

We all know Brian Williams as a decorated Iraq War veteran, a three-time WWE Heavyweight Champion, and the inventor of the microchip. But did you know he also dabbles in reporting the news?

Rachel Maddow is getting all the glory today, but let’s not forget Special Agent Williams’ latest journalistic achievement. Nicholas Fondacaro, Newsbusters:

During MSNBC The 11th Hour late Monday night, the outlet’s resident fibber Brian Williams attacked President Donald Trump and the White House for creating an “alternative universe.” “Is it as striking to you in the briefing room as it is to television viewers that an alternative universe is being proposed, alternative definitions are being trotted out in real-time,” he whined to senior White House correspondent Chris Jansing.

It’s fitting that EGOT winner Dr. Brian Williams cites the multiverse theory, which he created decades ago while cat-sitting for his protégé Erwin Schrödinger. If there are an infinite number of universes, in which literally anything that can be imagined has actually happened, then somewhere out there is a strange alternate universe where Williams didn’t cure polio, never married Marilyn Monroe, and didn’t even join NASCAR in the first place. In some weird mirror dimension, Brian Williams is just a pathetic liar who only managed to salvage some sort of career in journalism because he has a pleasant speaking voice and can always be counted on to defend Democrats and attack Republicans.

What a hellish nightmare such a world must be. I’m glad I don’t live there!