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Woman Who Had Abortion Says She Wasn’t Prepared For The ‘Ungodly Mental Anguish’

Women’s Health published a feature story Tuesday about a woman who claimed she wasn’t prepared for the “ungodly mental anguish” she experienced after undergoing an abortion.

Kassi Underwood, author of “May Cause Love: An Unexpected Journey of Enlightenment,” wrote that she had dreamed about a joyful first pregnancy, but instead found herself paying for a $415 abortion. She recounted that at the time of the procedure she shook violently, and was overcome by a sense of both “elation and devastation.”

After completing the abortion, Underwood said she struggled to sleep and could not cleanse her mind of baby imagery.

“I would dream of babies for the next six years: I would have babies and kill them, have babies and lose them, have babies and care for them the way I cared for my little brother,” Underwood wrote. “I wished sadness took less work to heal, but healing would take everything I had.”

“I wish I had been prepared for the ungodly mental anguish I experienced for several years after my abortion,” Underwood added. “I tried to believe I was fine, but I slowly began to unravel. I routinely pulled over on the side of the road to double over with my head between my legs during spells of free-floating abortion panic. I wondered if I’d go to hell, even though I didn’t believe in hell.”

Olympic track and field athlete Sanya Richards-Ross told a similar story about her 2008 abortion. “I made a decision that broke me, and one from which I would not immediately heal,” she wrote in her memoir. “Abortion would now forever be a part of my life. A scarlet letter I never thought I’d wear. I was a champion— and not just an ordinary one, but a world-class, record-breaking champion. From the heights of that reality I fell into a depth of despair.” (RELATED: The All-Too-Common Regret Of Abortion).

Underwood said that she could find few descriptions anywhere of women recounting what it was actually like to have an abortion, inspiring her to draft her own account. “It seemed like a conspiracy in which millions of women were bound to an implicit social contract to match their emotion to a political persuasion,” she said.

She concluded by encouraging women who have had abortions to come together and tell the truth about what abortion entails, including “the things we’ve been afraid to say.”

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